• 18Dec
    Categories: Open Source, Technology Comments Off

    I wanted my bot to announce web page and YouTube page urls, because one of my pet hates is people pasting a link to a YouTube video without explaining what it is or giving it a title, which wastes my precious time. I wanted it for an eggdrop bot since I already had one of those running in this channel, but when I looked I couldn’t find anything that would both announce them, and log them to a mysql database for displaying on a web page.

    So I grabbed Durby, which is a mod of Pickachu, fixed some problem in it that I thought were unsuitable, and modded in some MySQL functions. Thus was born the Pikachu YouTube URL Title Announcer eggdrop tcl script.

    You will need to have TCLLib 1.13 installed as well as MYSQLTcl 3.0 to use it.

    To configure it, just edit both the Pikachu tcl and index.php (after moving it and the css and gif files to your webroot) and put in the appropriate MySQL settings.

    The web interface provide is quite basic. If you make something nicer, please drop me an email at pawz@teamroot.net so I can see what you’ve made, thanks.

    Download version 1.0 here.

  • 27Nov
    Categories: Technology Comments Off

    It seems to be the thing these days to put crazy clauses in your warranties or license agreements. I mean we all know about the iTunes license agreement right ?

    You also agree that you will not use these products for any purposes prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, the development, design, manufacture or production of nuclear, missiles, or chemical or biological weapons.

    But I saw this crazy one on Asus’s warranty agreement today:

    The warranty will not apply to or be valid under conditions including but not limited to the following:
    There is damage caused by natural disaster, intentional or unintentional misuse, acts of war, space invasions, abuse, neglect, improper maintenance, or use under abnormal conditions

    Yes, Asus specifically exclude alien invasion from space. That’s very specific isn’t it ? What if they come from another dimension ? Or if they were already on Earth ? Ha ! Shot yourself in the foot there didn’t you Asus ?

    Who writes this crap ? Is that a joke to see if people really read their warranty terms ? That’s fucking hilarious ! If that’s NOT a deliberate joke, then clearly the whole concept of these legal documents is a bit of a joke when they have to inform you that you can’t use iTunes to build a nuclear bomb, or that if aliens descend from Mars and zap your laptop with an EMP ray that it’s not covered by warranty.

    Or maybe Asus know something we don’t ? ….. scary thought isn’t it ?

  • 06Oct
    Categories: Apple, Technology Comments Off

    Steve Jobs. 1977

    “The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do”

    Apple announced it on their website like this:

    “Apple has lost a visionary and creative genius, and the world has lost an amazing human being. Those of us who have been fortunate enough to know and work with Steve have lost a dear friend and an inspiring mentor. Steve leaves behind a company that only he could have built, and his spirit will forever be the foundation of Apple.”

    It was first announced on Twitter at 9:38am AEST.

    Bye Steve, you will be missed.

  • 05Sep
    Categories: Open Source, Technology Comments Off

    Oh my god, a technical post ! I haven’t made one of those in SOOOO long.

    On my laptop, the screen is fine in Windows, but even at maximum brightness it was far too dark in Linux. I’m not sure why, it just was. It was very annoying. So I decided to see if I could do anything about it. There’s two things you can do, one is you can adjust the gamma with:

    xgamma -gamma 2

    Which will double the gamma, but this is a very poor solution as it just makes everything washed out and awful looking and doesn’t really solve the problem. But you can also set the video card’s properties directly with setpci like this:

    setpci -s 00:02.0 F4.B=E0

    Where 00:02.0 is your video card’s PCI ID, which you can get by running lspci and looking for the ID for your VGA adapter. The E0 is the brightness in hex.

    0 is totally dark. FF is maximum brightness, which I assure you, is blinding. I think E0 is a good, very bright, readable level and now suddenly my screen is so much easier to view ! I can still adjust the brightness with the keys, but only up to a certain point. If I want it brighter than that, I need to use setpci to increase it further. Works great though !

    So if your laptop’s screen is too dark, try that, and if it helps, put it in your rc.local or whatever so that it does it on boot-up, or just make a shell script to do it when you feel you need it. Obviously it’ll chew a lot more battery power at a higher brightness, but hey, readability is more important, right ?

  • 25Aug
    Categories: Apple, Technology Comments Off

    Last year, Steve Jobs said he wasn’t going to work full time at Apple. He was becoming a “background CEO” and would continue to work from home. We knew what that meant.

    Today, he stepped down as CEO, marking the end of an era as the head of the most profitable and successful company on the planet. We know what that means too.

    Steve is dying. Rapidly, I suspect. I would not be surprised if Steve does not see the light of 2014. If he does, it’s likely he will be a ghastly, dying skeleton of a man. He’s trying to limit the public impact on Apple. He doesn’t want the headlines to scream “Head of Apple dies today”. He wants to minimise the impact on his great company by slowly withdrawing.

    We know Steve doesn’t want to leave. He is passionate about Apple. The company is more important to him now than ever before. Only a few decades ago, Apple almost disappeared. Steve got thrown out as CEO due to his crazy, intense management style and went off to found Pixar and NeXT. But Apple did not flourish without him. It fell into ruin and almost went bankrupt.

    When Steve returned, he came back as an “interim CEO”, paying himself only $1 a year. He picked up the pieces of Apple and told everyone he could turn the company around. For many years he tried, and their computers gained some success. The G3 iMac was considered a revolution even though there was nothing specifically remarkable other than it was another “all in one” computer and that it came in a range of colours. But that in itself was revolutionary. “Computers can come in colours other than black or beige ? Amazing”

    Then he brought out the iPod. People took notice and said “What’s this thing ? This is ok”. Many people denounced it as nothing special or a waste of time, but people ran out in droves to buy it. If anything ever kickstarted the digital music era, it was the iPod. There were many imitators, but the iPod reigned supreme and within a few years you simply could not walk down the street without seeing one on every jogger, every young kid, and even every elderly woman.

    People said “Make a phone, Steve. Make a phone”. The market was dominated by Nokia and Motorolla. There was no room for Apple. How could Apple possibly compete with these giants of the industry ? Oh really ? You underestimate Apple ? They gave us the iPhone and the whole world went “HOLY SHIT STEVE !” It turned the phone industry on its head and suddenly EVERYONE wanted one. Nokia went from owning some 65% of the “smartphone” market to owning less than 10%. Apple destroyed them. Motorolla just gave up and pulled out of that market.

    Apple not only won that battle, but without even trying, they forced their competitors to throw up their hands and say “Sorry, we can’t compete with Apple. They just did it too well. Everyone wants their product”.

    Everyone who knew the infamous “Newton” tablet, released 20 years too early to be successful was holding their breath thinking “Please Steve, release a tablet. Now is the time. The world is ready. Release another tablet”. Critics said “Tablets are useless. Noone wants that crap. It was a failure before and it will be a failure now”.

    He released the iPad and forever changed the computing industry. Within a couple of years, the iPad became the single most desirable Christmas present for the 8-12 year old demographic and you would see both teenagers and 70 year old women toting one around, pulling them out and emailing over dinner like it was nothing. Suddenly we were all connected wherever we were and it was trivial to bring up a web page or send an email over dinner.

    Steve Jobs changed the world, not once, or twice, but many times. He virtually created the mp3 industry. He showed us how powerful a phone could be. He put the internet into the hands of every average person.

    Everyone wanted Steve on their side. He was Google’s number one choice for their CEO, but he had bigger ambitions. I bet if they could have, Microsoft would have brought him on board and said “Please, bring your charisma and innovation to our company and make people love us”. But Steve has a company. He created Apple, and Apple changed the world.

    So thank you Steve. I would love to think that you will be around for years to come and I certainly won’t be surprised if your give us another revolutionary invention that will change our lives before you leave us, but I also think there’s a good chance that you won’t be with us for more than a couple more years. But I bet that when Apple designs its next product you’ll be laying there on your death bed screaming “No no ! You’ve got it all wrong ! It has to be like THIS !”

    I know that most likely in less than a few years, I will be writing a much sadder article in your name, but for now, we celebrate your life and we hope you give us more great computing revolutions before you bid us goodbye.

  • 10Aug
    Categories: Technology Comments Off

    Fuck Windows. Fuck it in the arse with a rusty star picket.

    At first when I got this new netbook and it was setup to do pretty cool shit, I was sorta impressed. I was like “Wow, this laptop supports (via third party addons) multitouch and other cool shit. It runs iTunes and Picasa and most other things I want. This almost feels like home”.

    But I used it for a few days and things got a little flaky. It kept getting slow and chewing up all my ram and the only solution was to shut the thing down and restart it. And other shit didn’t work. I could see that it was running Windows Update. I didn’t want it to do that. I was on 3G, and I didn’t want it downloading huge Windows Update files over 3G that I didn’t really need since I was firewalled and such anyway.

    I went to control panel and tried to kill off the Windows Update shit. But as soon as I tried to click on the Windows Update icon, it would crash. Well, not the whole OS, but Control Panel would crash and I wouldn’t be able to use it and I would have to open up task manager and force-kill explorer, and then I would have to re-run explorer to get a usable system and the task switcher and stuff back. How many newbies know how to do that ?

    I tried a number of times to open Windows Update to disable it. It would always crash. I gave up. Tonight I was using it and my apartment’s Wifi was flaky and kept dropping out, so I kept switching back to 3G. At one point I switched back and it just didn’t work. The app said I was connected. Windows said I was connected, but there was no data flow and when I tried a ping in cmd.exe (Again, how many people know how to do this ?) it just said “General Failure”.

    Seriously ? “General failure” ? Why not just say “Complete Windows Failure”. That would be more accurate. Apparently the whole fucking TCP/IP stack had shit itself and wouldn’t work on Wifi or 3G, so I figured I had to reboot again. So I hit restart and waited like 15 fucking minutes for it to slowly close all its apps and save out all it’s bullshit to disk and then it goes “Oh I have to install a bunch of windows updates that I’ve downloaded even though you didn’t want me to. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTER NOW”.

    It was on update 19 of 64. I sighed and figured “This is gonna take a while and I don’t really want to interrupt it coz this is Windows and it will probably break down in tears and refuse to run if I do so I think I’ll go out for dinner and drinks. Maybe when I get back it might be done with it’s bullshit fixes”.

    When I get home a couple of hours later the laptop is STILL sitting there going “19 of 64 updates complete” just as it was when I shut it down. I’m just like “Oh FUCK YOU !” and I try and power the machine off. I dunno whether it’s the machine or whether Windows is like “No ! You cannot power me off !” but the thing won’t shut off. So I’m like “Ok, this ain’t no Macbook Air. I can fix your little red wagon” and I rip the fucking battery out for a few seconds and then stick it back in. Let’s see how you like THAT !

    It starts up and goes “Oh no ! Windows didn’t shut down correctly ! This is a fucking HUGE DRAMA !” (Mac OS X on the other hand would say nothing and would silently start up as normal and run some checks and fix any filesystem discrepancies without making any fuss)

    I let it boot up and then Windows goes “Applying Updates” and I’m like “Oh gawd”. Then it says “Previous updates failed to apply. Reverting to previous state” and I’m getting this sense of dread. It finishes that, and it reboots again…

    Then it does the whole thing again… Apply Updates. Updates did not apply. Reverting. Reboot. Over and Over.

    I’m like “FUCKING HELL !!! I don’t have another laptop to use atm to research why the fuck this is broken and what to do about it !” So I ring a friend in Australia, on the other side of the fucking planet and say “Hey, my Windows is stuck in this fucked up update loop because it couldn’t update itself and now it won’t boot. Please can you make it stop this bullshit and let me use my system ?”

    He tells me to boot to command prompt and go into the Windows directory and delete some fucking stupid temp file that will tell it to not try and apply the updates that it has saved and ignore the rollback state and other bullshit and reboot. I do exactly as he tells me and reboot the machine.

    Oh my lord. It boots. Finally. I can use that shit again. But of course Windows Update pops up and goes “Oh ! There are updates to install ! I’ll just do that shit in the background without you even wanting me too because I’m so fucking cool and smart !”

    FUCK YOU WINDOWS !!! FUCK YOU IN THE ARSE WITH A RUSTY START PICKET !!!

    Seriously. Does that shit happen on OS X ? No it fucking doesn’t. Updates on OS X are seamless and painless and don’t take fucking 16 hours to apply and then break and then stop your system from rebooting and then get stuck in a reboot loop and require you to call across the world to someone who has MORE than fucking 20 years experience with Windows to fix them for you. I’m a fucking computer technician and I first used windows in 1991 with Windows 3.0. I should be able to fucking run Windows and not have it FUCK ITSELF IN THE ARSE to the point where I can’t use it or figure out how to fix it.

    Why is it SO FUCKED UP !?? People are always like “Oh ya man. Windows 7 is the best Windows ever. It’s so reliable and stable and has no problems”. BULL-FUCKING-SHIT YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKERS !

    I fucking ran that shit for less than a week on this brand new laptop and without me doing anything stupid, it gets itself into an update loop that I can’t break out of without going into fucking DOS to fucking delete some files and fix it. That’s FUCKING BULLSHIT MAN !

    I listen to people on IRC going “Bwawaha look at this. Apple is advertising the latest iMac for schools and saying that $999 is a bargain price. What a joke. I can get a Dell for only $700. That’s so much cheaper. Why would I pay $300 more for that over-priced Apple bullshit ?”

    I am sick of arguing with those fuckwits. I just don’t bother anymore. If you REALLY fucking think that $300 is worth this fucking AGONY, you need to get a fucking job that pays better. It’s NOT FUCKING WORTH IT. The other day I tried to argue “Yeah but the iMac has a lower Total Cost of Ownership. It breaks down less. It has fewer cables to plug in. It uses less power. It takes less desk space. It’s easier to use and even a dumb-ass theatre teacher can work out how to reboot it and update it without needing a fucking MSCE” and they’re all like “Bah. Bullshit. That’s not true. Who cares about looks and size and convenience. I’d rather save $300″.

    Yeah ? Well I’d rather have a fucking computer that can reboot without TOTALLY FUCKING ITSELF IN THE ARSE AND NEEDING A SUPPORT CALL TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FUCKING PLANET TO MAKE IT WORK AGAIN !

    Do you get what I’m fucking saying ? I’m a geek. I don’t mind doing technical shit. But some shit should JUST FUCKING WORK (tm (c) Apple Computer) without you needing to fucking FUCK AROUND all day and ring people and go “Oh, my Windows 7 install has fucked itself, can you fucking explain how to fix it because I don’t have a second machine here to spend the next 16 hours googling for advice on ?”

    Seriously. Fuck Windows. I tried it again for the first time in many years and within a week, it fucking shat its pants and curled up and fucking died and I had to perform CPR to make it work again. FUCK THAT. You don’t have to do that on a Mac. Noone should have to put up with that bullshit, and if you think that’s “OK” and that Macs are overpriced and that beauty and class and design and all those other things are more important than saving like $50 a year on your investment….

    YOUR A BIGGER FUCKWIT THAN THE FUCKWITS THAT DESIGN WINDOWS !

  • 24Jun
    Categories: Technology Comments Off

    Everyone knows that Sony are arseholes. They’re such big arseholes that I’m not even going to use the American spelling “assholes”. I’m going to use the much more rude Australian spelling “arseholes” because it’s much more insulting.

    Sony have done some mean things in the past.

    There was the rootkit scandal where they put software on audio cd’s that secretly hid itself on your computer and limited your ability to use the media that you’d paid good money for. This was nothing short of a trojan. If you put in a CD released with this software, your computer would be secretly infected with this software and you would need virus removal software to get rid of it.

    There was the way they sued Lik Sang into oblivion. You know what Lik Sang’s crime was that Sony put them out of business for ? They were importing PSP’s and selling them to customers from countries that Sony had not yet deigned to bless with their wonderful products. All they were doing wrong was they were buying PSP’s from one country and selling them to another country where Sony was refusing to sell them yet. And Sony sued them repeatedly until they were forced to shut their doors forever, leaving millions of happy customers from countries that could not buy Sony products there yet without any way to get hold of their favourite hardware. Seriously. Sony were suing people … for selling their products for them. How fucked up is that shit ?

    Then there was the way they removed the “OtherOS” feature of the PS3. Sony had always toyed with the idea of letting people run Linux on their consoles. On the PS2 they sold a special “Linux kit” which came with an ethernet adaptor, a VGA cable, a hard drive, and a copy of a special version of Linux that Sony had put together for users. It wasn’t very practical as the PS2 didn’t have a lot of RAM. But it was a lot of fun to do. You could even fire up X11 and run Gnome. Not well, but you could run it. You could even install another OS such as Black Rhino which was a Debian variant. I did it. It was cool. Pointless, but awesome.

    So on the PS3 they provided a feature where you could just install any compatible PowerPC based Linux distribution. Since the PS3 actually had decent hardware, it was quite a practical little computer. It still didn’t have heaps of ram, but this time around, it had enough that you could run a recent, fully featured Linux distro, with the latest Gnome or KDE, and run OpenOffice or anything else your heart desired. Your PS3 suddenly became a useful computer. Then someone (the famous and highly worshipped iPhone and PS3 hacker George Hotz, or “GeoHot”) used Linux on the PS3 to discover a flaw in the system which allowed him to read the secret encryption code in the system. All of a sudden you could jailbreak your PS3 and run “homebrew” software on it. Unintentionally, his discovery also meant that people could pirate games on it. Sony were furious. They removed the OtherOS feature.

    All of a sudden the PS3 couldn’t do one of the major things it had been advertised as being able to do. People were outraged. It wasn’t an incidental feature, it was advertised on the box. Many people had bought the PS3 specifically because it had this feature. Individuals all over the world sued them in their local courts. Not all of them won, but many did. Many people successfully got their money back over this. In a perfect world, EVERYONE should have got a refund, or else Sony should have been legally forced to reinstate it. I had Linux on my PS3, and all of a sudden I couldn’t use it anymore.

    Since then, Sony have been universally hated by so many people. Many angry hackers have targeted them and brought the PSN (online gaming) network to its knees. They have hacked the network and stolen the customer database and published it online, causing Sony much embarrassment. Sony admitted they lost an estimated $170 million from just one of the times it was hacked. But Sony didn’t get the message. They continued being the arrogant fuckwits they had always been. They thought they could litigate the problem away.

    GitHub are a place that hosts open source projects. A lot of people who write PS3 homebrew software, customisation programs, utilities etc host them there. Well, despite the fact that these programs are normally legal under the law, Sony takes advantage of the DCMA takedown procedure and sends GitHub notices insisting they not only remove the software immediately, but that they also provide full contact details for the uploader so that Sony can chase after them. As a result, GitHub recently announced that more than 50% of all their DCMA takedown notices come from Sony which is simply staggering.

    Anyway recently, German technology enthusiast Alexander Egorenkov, known online as Graf_Chokolo tried to restore the OtherOS feature for PS3 users and he set about decrypting the software which made OtherOS possible so that jailbroken (and I might add, the act of “jailbreaking” has been found to be legal in the USA by the highest courts) users could put Linux back onto their systems. He published his findings on his website. Sony took him to court, suing him for a million euros which would have bankrupted him for life. All Alexander was doing was trying to reinstate a feature that Sony had previously provided and advertised as being a part of their systems so that PS3 owners worldwide could get what they had paid for. After Sony sued him, he took down the information and put up a page requesting donations to support his legal defence. Recently, Alexander announced on his blog:

    “Hi guys, no money left anymore. Going to jail soon probably because i cannot pay court costs.”

    Great, so now Sony are responsible for sending enthusiastic young kids who want to do nothing more than help Sony’s customers get what they had originally paid for in the first place … TO FUCKING JAIL. Is there NO END to their fucking evil and hatred towards their own customers ? This poor guy paid close to a thousand fucking dollars for his PS3 and all he wants to do is write software to help other PS3 owners. Sony should be offering him a job, not sending him to fucking JAIL !

    This is BULLSHIT ! How can a company hate the own customers so much that they’re willing to infect their computers with viruses, sue their resellers into oblivion when all they’re trying to do is help Sony sell more products, and then send poor young kids to JAIL just for trying to offer people exactly what Sony have originally offered in the first place ?

    WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH SONY ?!?!

    Normally I stay out of this shit. I like Sony products and I try to keep my personal feelings separate from my buying decisions and I know that when the Playstation 4 comes out, I’m going to want it. But you know what ? This time I’m not going to fucking buy it. I don’t think that trade sanctions and silent protests like this really work. But there is a point where a man has to draw the line and say “No. I will not buy your shit anymore. You have become too corrupt, and too evil, and too goddamn mean to your own customers and I will NOT support you and give you my money anymore”.

    Sorry Sony. You just can’t arse-fuck your customers forever and expect to stay in business. You’ve already felt the backlash. You’ve lost hundreds and hundreds of million dollars from people hacking the Playstation Network, and you’ve pissed off millions of customers around the world and they are going to vote with their wallets, and one day… noone’s going to buy your shit anymore because they hate you. Maybe not tomorrow because your products are still pretty good. But soon, a new contender is going to emerge. Maybe Sega will release the Dreamcast 2 and it will kick ass and people will be like “Ok, Sega is an awesome fucking company that we love to death and who have always done the right thing by us, and Sony are the biggest pricks on the face of the planet. Should I buy the Dreamcast 2 or the PS4 ? I reckon I’m gonna buy the Dreamcast 2 instead. Fuck Sony”.

    And then Sony is going to fail. They’re going to lose billions and they might even cease to be relevant in the gaming industry. AND IT WILL BE THEIR OWN GODDAMN FAULT. Sure, if you have a monopoly and the best product in the market, you can be an asshole for years and people will still buy your shit. It worked for Microsoft. But you can’t maintain that forever, because sooner or later, another contender will come along with an equally good product and people will go “You know what ? Fuck you. I don’t need you anymore. I’m gonna buy this other shit instead”.

    Will Sony ever wise the fuck up and stop making their own customers hate them with a vengeance ? Probably not. Not until it’s far too late. They will be going broke and their products will be a failure before they wise up and think “Maybe we should have been nicer to our customers”. And it will be too late. You only have to fail once and everyone remembers. That’s what being on top of the business does to companies. They get arrogant and think they are gods and they can do whatever the hell they want and treat their customers like shit and noone can do anything about it.

    Well we can. And I plan to. Sorry Sony, I’ve had e-fucking-nough. I’m not going to support you anymore. You keep on releasing shitty, proprietary media formats that everyone hates but you manage to be successful anyway. From MiniDisc, to special memory cards, to UMD, to bluray. We hate your shit. We only use it because you’re successful. But you won’t always be. Karma is a bitch, and you’ll get your day Sony. And it’s coming soon. The more you fuck us over, the sooner it’ll come. You’ll learn one day, but I expect when you finally do. It’ll be TOO FUCKING LATE.

    Enjoy your aids Sony. You deserve them.

  • 22Jun
    Categories: Technology Comments Off

    I gotta show you my phone, because it’s just so damn cute I can’t get over it. It’s tiny and it’s white and it’s fully touch-screen operated. It’s not android or anything. It uses a more simple Java based OS, but it has an app store where I imagine you can buy apps and games, but I haven’t looked because I haven’t managed to get the internet setup on it yet. Stupid Viettel is such a pain. Vinaphone is so much easier by comparison. I might change carriers later.

    At first I was disappointed when I sent a text message because it used a number-pad style entry method where you had to press each button multiple times to get the letter you wanted and I was like “awww that’s 1990′s !” but then I realised there was an option in the menu to change it to a full qwerty keyboard. Then the keys were too small to press properly, but I realised “Oh, that’s why it comes with a stylus as well”. Theres a little stylus in the top of the phone that you can pull out and use to type, so I do that and it’s quite practical.

    Here’s a photo of it, with my keys beside it so you can appreciate what a tiny phone it is. I could have gotten a bigger, fancier phone for only $10 or $20 more, but I chose this one because it’s the same as Hoa’s phone and it’s cute. When I showed it to her, she went “Oh my god. Same same my phone !” and I said “Yes. Same same”. Except hers is pink and mine is white. She also has the same wallpaper set on hers as you can see on mine. When I saw it on her phone the other night I went “Awwww cute meow ! Did that picture come with the phone ?” and she said it had and she showed me how to set it on mine as well. Ok so it’s not as cool as an iPhone, but an iPhone costs 20 million dong. This phone cost a little over 1 million dong. Cutest phone I’ve ever owned.

    Oh, it occurred to me that I would get more brownie points with Hoa if I had a picture of her as my wallpaper instead of some kitten. So that’s what I did. The phone takes a micro SD card, so I copied all my photos of her onto it and put the card back in the phone and set the best one as my wallpaper. Hopefully she’s going to see it and go “awww you’re so sweet”. Also I note in the menu that there’s an option called “Print via Bluetooth” ! Omg I can print straight to my polaroid printer from my phone ! I have to do that ! I get my printer out and examine it and wonder if there’s some way I can charge it. Then I realise that the battery is replaceable !

    Maybe if I take it to the camera store they will have a charger for it there. I hope so. I would love to take a photo of Hoa and I at the bar and then just casually whip out my printer and print it for her on the spot. She’ll be so impressed ! If worst comes to worst, maybe I can buy a charger at a store somewhere. It’d be well worth it. Printing photos on the spot for people makes you friends instantly because these printers are pretty new and not many people have ever seen one, and the fact that you can print from your phone wirelessly impresses them no end. I can’t wait to take a photo of Hoa and I on my phone and print it for her.

  • 23Apr
    Categories: Technology Comments Off

    Ok everyone.. public service announcement time. There is a new Facebook-related virus going around that my friend Alison had until I helped her clear it up last night. It spreads via appending a url to your Facebook Chat messages that you MAY or MAY NOT see yourself. The url is similar to this but I’ve deliberately obscured the “http” bit so that you won’t click on it, so for god’s sake if you do type this in out of curiosity, DON’T run the .exe file that it downloads:

    h**p://turl.ca/photo4912?=facebook-pic-04-21-2011.JPG

    When someone clicks on the URL, rather than getting a JPG image, it downloads an EXE file with a name like facebook-pic000494991337.exe and of course, when you run it, it will infect you and cause you to start spreading it as well. Alison left me talking to one of her six year daughters a few days ago and when she sent this to me and I wondered why what appeared to be the URL of a JPG was instead forcing a Windows Executable file down my throat, I was like “Uhh, Ali, you have a virus”, but it took me a while to realise that SHE wasn’t seeing the URL she was sending me, only I was, so she didn’t know what I was talking about at first, which is probably the case with yourself or your friends if they are likewise infected .. they probably have no idea they are spamming you with this dangerous URL.

    If you use Facebook, and especially if you are one of Ali’s 620 friends (nothing personal Ali, it’s not your fault you got this virus, I’m just trying to help your friends here), you should ask everyone you chat to regularly if they’ve seen you type the URL listed above in a Facebook Chat.

    The other hint that you may have this virus is if you find that on start-up, or during operation of your computer, you get sent to a page with this URL:

    http://showmelove.gr/css/

    It LOOKS mostly like Google, but it lacks the extra menu options that Google normally has, and if you scroll down the page further, you will see it has lots of blog posts that look like legitimate news articles, but that you would not find if you went to http://www.google.com … so if you get a Google window pop up suddenly, check the URL, and if it has this URL in the address bar, you know you have this virus.

    So if you don’t want to hear the lengthy explanations about what this virus does and how and why and all that rubbish, I will quickly explain how to get rid of this thing for good, and if you care about the mechanics of it, you can read on to my boring explanation afterwards

    What is this virus ?

    In short, this virus is a newer variation of the virus known as:

    Dropper.Generic3.BBGJ
    Gen:Trojan.Heur.hqW@yXUOwjfO
    IMWorm.Win32.Yahos.ig
    Win32/Yimfoca.AA
    W32/Obfuscated.A!genr
    Trojan.Win32.Generic.pak!cobra

    AVG calls this new variation “SHeur3.BVYJ” and it appears to be the only anti-virus program that calls it that, so that would suggest that either no other anti-virus detects this new version, or else if they do, they call it something different.

    How do you get rid of it ?

    The vast majority of anti-virus software cannot yet detect this new virus, or even the earlier strain listed above. The main ones that can at least detect some of the older strains include AVG, F-Secure, and NOD32, but most other main ones such as McAfee, Kaspersky, Sophos, Symantec (Norton), TrendMicro etc cannot, so this virus will go largely undetectable in around 90% or more of the antivirus software out there. I am personally going to recommend you use AVG to kill it off though, because a bit of research tells me that AVG seem to be by far on the top of their game when it comes to detecting this strain of viruses, as in their most recent definition updates, they are detecting dozens of variants of it, and while I haven’t compared them all, because I don’t have the time or inclination to do so, of those, AVG is the most well known and arguably best free scanner of those, so I recommend you use that, and as I mentioned above, AVG is the only vendor that knows of it by the name that I gave of “SHeur3.BVYJ”.

    What problems you will encounter

    The main problem is going to be that if you have this virus, it would appear to prevent you going to the AVG website, because the author apparently knows that AVG are onto them, and as a result tries to stop you downloading AVG or accessing their site in any way. As a result, you most likely will not be able to access the AVG website without getting fatal errors (regardless of browser) if you have this virus, but even if you CAN access avg.com please do not assume that means you aren’t infected, because results seem to vary, and I have only seen the variety on Alison’s computer, and the variety on my own that I deliberately infected myself with and they acted slightly differently. But if you CAN’T reach the http://free.avg.com website, and it either just says you’re not connected to the internet (when you know you are), it cannot display the webpage, or it throws some obscure XML error at you, it almost certainly does mean that you are infected, so either way, follow this next piece of advice.

    How to get around that problem.

    Ok, since the virus seems to be focussed on the website address, the best solution is to get a copy of AVG elsewhere. It doesn’t appear to monitor the filename itself, but I haven’t tested extensively, but it does block access to the AVG website, so what I’ve done is I’ve downloaded the latest version (as of 23rd April 2011) of “AVG Free 2011″ and made it available on my own website under an innocuous name that it won’t detect based on either the website URL or the filename. While normally I would tell people never to download a program from someone you don’t know, or from a strange location, in this case, just shut up and trust me, ok ? I wouldn’t be writing this crap if I was out to infect you, I’ve clearly put too much time and effort into it.

    The additional problem comes into play because the primary version of AVG that you download is not the full program, but a simple installer which fetches the rest of the program off the internet, which it will most likely be unable to do due to access to the AVG website being denied by the virus. In Alison’s case, she was able to use the small version and had no problems installing it. Why she had no problems I don’t know because I don’t have access to her computer to check in further detail, but when I infected myself with the same virus, I could not install the smaller version and I had to get the full version, so I am not going to suggest the smaller version to you because the chances are it’s not going to work. So, you can download the latest “full” copy of “AVG Free 2011 for Windows” from this URL:

    http://catpa.ws/pics/bigthingforali.exe

    So how do you use AVG and clean this damn virus off ?

    If you’re comfortable installing and running AVG yourself, just go right ahead, there are no surprises in this section, and I will only go through this for those of you who are afraid to install this or confused by what some of the options mean. If you happen to have a different anti-virus program installed, I do urge you to disable it first. This is normally done by going down to the “System Tray” box beside your clock at the bottom right of your Windows task bar where the little icons are, and holding your mouse over each for a second until you find your anti-virus software and then right clicking on it and choosing the logical option, be it “disable”, “exit”, “quit”, or whatever seems the obvious thing. It doesn’t always matter if you can’t do this, but anti-virus vendors always strongly recommend you do this, because it is possible that simply by the act of holding in memory the signature for the virus that it’s looking for, one anti-virus program may be detected by the other anti-virus program as being a virus itself, which is sorta gonna screw things up for you for obvious reasons. If worst comes to worst and you are having this happen, just uninstall your old virus software and if you need to, later after you’re done cleaning the virus up, you can then uninstall AVG and install your old software again, though it’s possible that AVG’s superiority in this particular case may lead you to stick with it.

    When installing AVG, you will at one point be prompted whether you want the full “internet protection suite” or just the basic antivirus. If you have another anti-virus program, then make sure you ONLY select the basic antivirus, as having two different “security suites” is going to be massively problematic. If this is your only antivirus package, by all means, install the full suite if you want the extra protection, but in my personal opinion, I believe that such programs often slow your computer down unacceptably for what they provide, so the decision is up to you – either opt for the better protection, or choose less intrusion and less additional software running in the background. The next screen will ask you a couple of questions about whether you want to install the “security toolbar” and some other question. You absolutely don’t want this crap so untick both options. I know it has it’s benefits such as anti-phishing and stuff, but realistically, unless you’re desperate for extreme protection, don’t do it.. it will only slow your computer down, and you don’t need that.

    When you finish installing it, you should see a balloon pop up in your system tray (near your clock) that tells you that the program is out of date and requires updating. Click on this balloon to initiate the virus definition updates, which is very important to do before scanning for new viruses such as the one we’re dealing with today. This will initiate an update, and after a few seconds or some minutes, you should see a small window slide up in the background telling you that your virus definitions are now up to date. Though to be honest, since the virus is blocking your access to the AVG website, there’s every chance that it won’t be able to update its virus definitions, but in this case, the program itself may be enough, so just try it anyway. Your mileage may vary, as they say.

    If you want to at this point, you can disable any of the components that you don’t need on the configuration screen that should still be visible. Personally, as I said earlier, I don’t really believe in all the protection crap, and all I want is a plain virus scanner that I run myself and nothing else, so I untick everything except the virus scanner, and also probably the “resident shield” which is basically a virus scanner that stays in memory and looks for any signatures that pop up in memory. This is a an extra burden on your computer, but it’s an acceptable one in my mind and probably worth putting up with for the benefits gained. And you most likely want the “anti-spyware” option as well because that is always a good idea in this day and age, but I would mostly tend to disable the other stuff. “Email scanner” sounds like a good idea in theory, but to be honest, it can be a real pain, and if you have the resident shield, it’s going to warn you if you get a virus via email anyway, so that’s enough in my opinion. It is possible to have “too much” protection, and this can cause problems and also slow things down.

    At this point, just hit the “Scan Now” button over the left hand side of the window and it will perform a “whole computer scan”. Now, when Ali ran this, she tells me that it did identify “multiple threats” on her computer (whereas TrendMicro had sworn there were none), but that without her intervention, it had just removed the threads and moved on and started a second scan without her telling it to. Now, either I didn’t understand her properly, or she didn’t explain properly and she did press something, but I find this rather odd, because when I scanned, it stopped and told me what virus it had found. Since she’s about 4000km from me and I don’t have access to her computer, I don’t know why this was the case for her, but it doesn’t really matter because either way, whether it tells you about the virus and prompts you to remove it (I believe the term it uses is “quarantine” and of course you should answer affirmatively), or it just does the scan, deletes it for you, and scans again, that’s fine.

    The end result is that it will be gone. When it’s finished scanning, reboot your computer straight away and then when it restarts, run the scanner again to make sure it’s not re-infecting at boot, because many viruses do this. If, after a reboot and another scan, AVG tells you that you don’t have any viruses, then yay, you’ve killed this nasty little bugger and you can rejoice and go back to Facebook safe in the knowledge that you’re not spamming your friends with URLS that will give them a dangerous virus. What you SHOULD do though, is tell ALL of your friends that you have had this virus, and direct them to this web page and suggest they scan for it as well, even if they haven’t seen or clicked on this URL from you, because this virus is doing the rounds, and it’s better safe than sorry and there could be newer variations out there that I haven’t encountered or described, so best get them to install AVG anyway and scan to be sure, because you never know what variant is going to turn up tomorrow, and even if your friend says “It’s fine, I have a virus scanner”, please warn them that this virus is simply not picked up by the vast majority of scanners at the time of me writing this at 23rd April 2011 (The previous variations I mentioned above were only seen in the wild in March, and I suspect this new one came along in April sometime, so it is VERY new), and since AVG detects far more variations of this than anyone else, urge them to install AVG and scan anyway ! You can never be too careful !

    One thing I won’t specifically insist you do because I don’t THINK it’s necessary, is that you should consider changing your Facebook password because it would not be too difficult for this virus to steal it. But as I explain in the detailed explanation later in this article, I don’t THINK that’s what this virus’ goal is. But it really wouldn’t hurt for you to do this, and if you really want to be sure, and it would bother you if your Facebook page got totally trashed and all your friends spammed to hell and back by the author of this virus if he decides “Hey, this wasn’t effective enough, I’m gonna use all those stolen Facebook passwords and do something even nastier”, then seriously.. change it to be sure ! Because there is genuinely a valid black market trade in stolen Facebook passwords out there and there ARE many viruses whose goal is to do just that – steal your password and sell it to someone nasty and unpleasant. So unless you’re very blasé about the whole Facebook thing and you just really don’t want to change your password because you’re terrible at remembering them, by all means, don’t. But if your page gets trashed or your computer or friends infected further, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

    And my final comment to those who don’t want to read the more detailed explanation below is that you should NEVER EVER run a program (ie, a file ending with .exe) from a website that you don’t trust completely, and even if a trusted person appears to send you to it, don’t trust them either. If ANYONE for ANY reason gets you to go to a web page, and it causes an “.exe” file to download, DON’T RUN it, and tell the person immediately what’s happened and ask them if they intended to send you to that link, and if they didn’t, then they are infected and you should urge them to install the latest virus software (in this case, I recommend AVG), update it, and scan, reboot, scan again. And to be honest, the same often goes for Word documents or even PDF files. If someone ever sends you to ANY file that isn’t an image such as a .GIF, a .JPG, a .BMP, or a .PNG, then you should be IMMEDIATELY DUBIOUS about it and ask the person what it is and if they meant to send you to it, and only open it if you both trust the person, AND they confirm they meant for you to open it.

    The boring stuff

    I did write a lot of stuff about this virus, but to be honest, most of it is speculation and based on circumstantial research due to the fact that there is little to no information about this virus or indeed any of it’s family available on the internet. I’m not into viruses, either making them or dissecting them. It’s just not my thing. I use only Mac and Unix systems so I’m as good as invulnerable to viruses anyway, so the only reason I’m even writing this, is because I want to make sure Alison’s friends and any of my own friends on Facebook are adequately warned about this and take steps to clean their computers, even if they don’t think they have it.

    The main reason that I think that SHeur3.BVYJ is related to the other viruses that I mentioned at the start of this article is that all the viruses mentioned all operate by in some way spamming a user via some communications medium and sending the victim to a url starting with:

    http://turl.ca/photo (followed by a number and then some other info that is just to make it look like a legit image for instance.)

    The number after the word photo differs for each virus variant, because I guess each virus wants to send you to download another copy of itself, but they could just as easily choose to send you to download a different variant than the one the infected person has been infected by. They could do this by having some form of “auto-updating” system whereby they “phone home” to a central location, which tells them to change the way they operate and start spreading the newer variant instead, which would make it particularly tricky to eliminate. I don’t know for a fact that this family of viruses do that, but it’s plausible they could, since they all direct the victim to the same website, but with different targets depending on the strain.

    The other thing that my research tells me that they do, and the actual reason for them to exist, beyond propagation, is that they collect information of some sort, most likely your web browsing history and possibly your friends list and email addresses etc, and they send it off to a third party website to collect for nefarious purposes. Some of the variants send the data to these websites for example:

    tokyonews.edns.biz
    tokyoIP.freewww.info

    But I haven’t bothered to sniff the traffic of this particular strain to see what it does, because it’s 9 am in the freaken morning and I’ve been dealing with this goddamn virus ALL BLOODY NIGHT, even after Ali rage-quit Facebook on me and stopped helping me because she was being moody about some stuff I’ll politely choose not to go into which meant I then had to setup a Windows computer of my own and infect myself with the virus so that I could clean it and identify what the virus was actually called. Ultimately, I’m just not that interested. If you are, sniff it yourself because I don’t care that much.

    It is POSSIBLE that it steals your Facebook password, because it would be very easy for a trojan to do, but this virus’s manifesto seems to be about intercepting network traffic, and Facebook uses the HTTPS protocol to log you in, so it could not easily do that. To be fair, it could easily do it via a keylogger as well, but most Facebook users log in once and it keeps them logged in, so to be honest, I don’t think this is all that likely, which is why I haven’t insisted that you to do this. But if you want to be careful, and changing your password doesn’t bother you, you should definitely do it, because virus authors are crafty people and often have an extra ace up their sleeves, and just selling your personal data to spammers may not be enough for you. They may also want to sell your Facebook or even your email passwords to the Russian Mafia, I dunno. If I could be bothered dissecting and monitoring this virus I could tell you with more conviction whether it does this, but as I said… I just don’t have the time or inclination, so be as careful as you want to be. If having your email passwords stolen would be the end of the world for you, then by all means, change them. I just don’t think that’s this virus’ goal, but again, I don’t know because I’m too lazy to check in greater detail !

    One thing of interest that may be worth noting is that the different variants of this virus spread via different means. I suspect that their goal of stealing your personal information and browsing history is probably the same for all of them, but it would seem that the author or authors (because I suspect this virus family may have been created with a “do it yourself” virus creation kit) are basically using the same basic virus, and then just experimenting with different ways to distribute it, either to achieve wider distribution, or because they’re curious and want to see which one works the best. I haven’t researched them all because I don’t have any idea how many other variants there are, and the ones I list at the start of this article aren’t different variants, they’re just different names for the same variant, which I have chosen to use as an example because they seem related to this new one. But that previous one uses not Facebook, but MSN to propagate, but via a very similar means.

    What I imagine it does (because this is how I would achieve it if I were writing it, and there are other hints that I shall go into), is that rather than directly affect your web browser itself, what it does is it just sits in the background and watches all your network traffic, and when it sees the right type of traffic that indicates either an outgoing MSN message in the case of the old variant, or a Facebook message in the case of the new one, it just intercepts that message before it goes out to the internet, and it attaches itself to the message at random (it doesn’t do it to every message you send, but curiously it seems to get more virulent as time goes on, and by the end of last night, nearly every second or third message Ali sent me had the virus URL attached, whereas a few days ago it rarely did it at all), and then goes out to the recipient.

    The reason this is such a logical way for it to operate is that it doesn’t have to worry in great detail about needing to infect specific software. It just needs to know how the software sends messages and what they look like when sent, which is something that anyone with a packet sniffer and a little networking knowledge can work out, and makes the development of new strains that affect different software protocols much easier.

    The other reason I suspect it works this way is because the user sending out the Facebook message does not see the URL in their message initially, only the recipient. So the person sending the virus spam is unaware they are even doing it, unless the victim realises what’s going on and brings it to their attention as I did with Alison, which makes it extra dangerous. However, due to the nature of Facebook being an “AJAX-based” web application (unlike MSN which will not exhibit this trait), if you reload the web page by hitting the “reload” button in your browser, or if you click a link on Facebook that causes it to load a new page, it will cause Facebook to re-send you the data for the page, including the messages that YOU sent, and because Facebook DOES see the URL that you’re spamming, when your page is reloaded, all of a sudden you WILL see the URL attached to your message, so if someone tells you that you’re sending out weird links via Facebook Chat, this is a good way to test… just hit the reload button on your browser (or even close Facebook and re-open it) and see if you can see the link now, because if it operates the way I have described above, by intercepting your traffic rather than messing with your web browser directly, then the chances are you will see the spam you’re sending out ! Nifty, huh ?

    I’m gonna leave it at that for now, because I’m tired and I’ve been at this all night and that’s really all you need to know. You know what the virus is, the common signs that you or someone else have it, how to get rid of it, and even how it operates. The only thing I can’t say with absolute certainty is what it DOES, but as I explained, my research suggests that if the rest of its siblings are anything to go by, it steals your browser history, probably monitors what email addresses you send mail to, and other such things in order to send them to spammers. Basically it wants to sell your and your friends personal information to a third party who’s willing to pay money for it. I won’t get alarmist and suggest that it intercepts your internet banking or anything because I have no proof that it does that, and frankly, all but the most hardcore virus writers steer clear of that stuff, because it carries much heavier penalties than just stealing personal information and you go to jail for a long time for cleaning out someone’s bank account, so it’s not worth assuming that it does anything of this nature unless there’s proof that it does. Hopefully more information about this virus doesn’t come to light in coming months and prove me wrong on this assumption !

    If you want any more information about this virus that I didn’t bother to include here in this already lengthy article, or you want to contact me to talk to me because you love me for doing this and want to thank me and send me cartons and cartons of beer, I’m totally open to that, and my email address is pawz@teamroot.net and I would be happy to respond to queries about viruses (although as I explained, they’re not my particular field of interest) or internet security and hacking prevention (which is much more my field), but I would prefer that if you needed help cleaning this virus and you can’t follow these instructions that you could please find your nearest neighbourhood geek and ask them for help, because frankly, I don’t have the time to answer ten million questions like “I have this other weird virus, how do I get rid of it ?” because I probably don’t know unless I spend another night researching it for you, and unless you happen to be my childhood girlfriend like Alison is, I’m most likely to politely tell you to find someone else to help you. But having said that, if you really have absolutely noone to turn to for help, and there’s something about my article you don’t understand or need a little help with, fair enough.. email me and I’ll see what I can do. I am a nice guy after all, just don’t expect miracles or a whole night of my assistance like I’ve given tonight unless you’re willing to shell out for it in the form of cash or booze. :”)

    - pawz (pawz@teamroot.net)

  • 20Mar
    Categories: Crazy Ramblings, Life, Technology, The Internet Comments Off

    I hacked this explanation out for someone on Facebook who I was chatting to when I wished to refer to something to do with 4chan, and before I knew it, I had launched into a massive discussion about the definition of “memes” and various examples of them. I’ve tried to recreate much of that conversation here because this is a subject I have a great deal of interest in and I might possibly have an unusual angle on it. As a result, I won’t research any of this, nor will I reference anything, so this is going to be totally out of my head, so if I get any of this wrong in your opinion, please let me know (not that I intend to change anything, but I may be interested in your opinion).

    I wanted to explain what 4chan was famous for, and other than “trolling” (which I’m not going to go into here despite it being an interesting cultural phenomenon), it would have to be “meme creation”. So for those of us who don’t live on IRC or 4chan…

    What is a “meme” ?

    It’s interesting to note where the term meme came from. Despite being generally thought of as an internet phenomenon, the term was actually coined way back in the 70′s by the famous Athiest and Darwinist, Richard Dawkins (by all rights, he should be “Sir” Richard Dawkins IMHO but the queen would never knight such a blasphemer). The term is a play on the word “gene” which refers to biologically transferred information, whereas “meme” refers to socially transmitted information or concepts, although the term is based on an old Greek word meaning “to imitate something”.

    The meme is a tenet of Social Darwinism, and it is a concept I was familiar with in one form or other from before I discovered the internet in 1994. To sidetrack brielfy…

    What is Social Darwinism ?

    As an example of Social Darwinism, I was commenting to a friend the other day they way social structure and values are formed and passed on by using this example:

    “If there are five people in the room, and one of them makes a racist (or sexist etc) remark, and the other four choose to say nothing, then whether they agree with the remark or not, the fact that three of the other four people have chosen not to complain about it will influence a single person to change their opinion slightly to match that of the person originally making the remark”.

    This is how social norms are formed over time. Someone says one thing, and if noone else challenges it, it very gradually becomes the norm, because we are predisposed to following our peers, and if our peers appear to accept this comment, then we as a result are more likely to accept it as well, and thus the group changes their opinions and social dynamic based on something as simple as inaction. This is why it is so important to speak up and challenge an opinion you do not agree with, especially an offensive one. Because while you may think it is better to stay silent and “not rock the boat”, your very silence may be seen by your peers as condoning the sort of behaviour you are witnessing.

    It works both ways though, for example with respect to the environment, if you see someone throw trash our their window, you may think “Well, he does it, so there’s no point me saving mine, I may as well throw mine out too”, but equally it mabe a case of “Wow, he drives a hybrid. I wish I could do that too”. But some people say “Why should I take my car off the road and ride a bike when there are so many idiots driving around in 4×4′s ?”. Well, because if everyone thought that way, noone would stop driving 4×4′s or throwing trash out their window, would they ? Postitive examples reinforce attitudes just as much as negative ones, and just seeing someone on a pushbike may make you think “Hey, she’s doing it, I should too”. This is how “cultural norms” are created, and is one of the cornerstones of Social Darwinism. So keep in mind that what you don’t say is often just as important as what you do say.

    Back to memes !

    So, back on topic. What is a meme exactly ? While Dawkins suggested that it was a unit for transferring cultural information, he could not have imagined the explosion of memes that happened in the early 21st century. A meme is basically something that is mimicked (there’s that Greek influence again) by others, without necessarily understanding the meaning or origin of the phrase, image or concept, but which carries a certain “context” that they understand. Just as how reading a book and encountering a word you’ve never seen before, and you may not know its meaning, but by its context, you can figure out what its meaning was intended to be, and by repeating it, you help it to grow and take on new meaning somewhat like a chinese whisper takes on its own form over time.

    Markov Chains

    You may not know what “batterial” means (I made it up), but if I said “I went to this totally batterial party last night, it was so awesome”, you would infer that it’s some sort of adjective with a meaning akin to “very good”. As a side note, this is somewhat similar to how a “Markov Chains” AI bot works such as the one I run on my IRC network.

    By determining the context of a word, you can roughly figure out what it means and when it should be used in a sentence. This is one of the primary ways children learn to speak. They don’t know what words mean, they just know that if you want a cookie you say “i want” followed by “cookie”, because they’ve heard others express a desire for things and then receive them by using this pattern of words.

    So what do memes look like ?

    This is an easy one. Lolcats are one of the most common memes on the internet and is one that nearly anyone would be familiar with. They sort of started out many years ago as motiviational posters such as the kitten clinging to something with the phrase “hang in there” captioned underneath, and 4chan ran with this idea during “Caturday” (Saturday), and would take a picture of a cat doing something and post a unique and hilarious caption underneath it. As an example, here’s a Lolcat picture I made from my kitten KonKon (meaning “kitten” in japanese, incidentally) sitting on my PS2, shortly after the release of the PS3.

    What does it mean ? Absolutely nothing ! Is it a meme ? Not in itself no (unless other people copied either the phrase or the concept of a desperate kitting sitting on something she wanted), but it’s a sub-meme in that Lolcats are a meme, and this is a Lolcat picture. Also it’s a cute picture and I wanted a chance to put it online hehehe.

    Rickrolling

    You want some more memes ? Sure, how about “Rickrolling” ? If you don’t know what that is, you probably don’t spend much time on the net. The art of “Rickrolling” someone involves sending them to a page on the internet on which they expect to find something else, but instead find a video a Rick Astley singing “Never Gonna Give You Up”. Why ? Noone knows. It was just something someone on 4chan did to someone else on 4chan one day that inspired lulz, and others copied until it became such an internet phenomenon that even huge companies such as Google and Amazon have setup pages dedicated to “Rickrolling” people.

    This is the perfect example of a silly internet prank getting so completely out of hand that it becomes a part of popular culture, and no doubt Rickrolls will be popping up in 20 or 30 years time, just to make those of us who remember the practice laugh out loud.

    Hacking the Gibson

    A friend used this from time to time, and it amused me because I knew he had no idea where it originated, but I did. The term originally refers to not a “what”, but a “who”. William Gibson was an author who wrote the book “Neuromancer” in 1984, which despite coming two years after Blade Runner, is thought to be the most influential book in the history of “cyberpunk” and internet culture. Gibson is widely credited as having coined such terms as “cyberspace”, “the matrix”, “jacking in”, “console cowboy” and others. Some even credit him with creating the concept of the “World Wide Web” which Tim Berners Lee went on to invent in 1991.

    As a result of his massive influence on computing culture, many powerful internet-connected supercomputers were known as “Gibsons” out of respect for this amazing visionary, and the term “Hacking the Gibson” later came to mean the art of hacking an incredibly powerful computer with just a tiny microcomputer terminal and downloading the contents onto a floppy disk, a technique popularised by a million movies such as Hackers. But it’s origins are lost on those many “script kiddies” who use the term today and who would have no idea who Gibson was or how influential he was to internet culture, almost a decade before the World Wide Web even existed.

    Thank you William Gibson, for giving us an amazing cyber world to inhabit, and a fascinating concept that has inspired so many great (and not so great) movies. I doff my Akubra to you, good sir. At the time of writing, William Gibson is still alive and well at the quite young age of 63, but when he eventually passes, it will be a sad day in internet history, and I for one will be wearing a black armband with a microchip stuck to it. Below is a video which contains footage of various films including The Matrix and the brilliant anime Serial Experiments Lain, all of which have been heavily influenced by William Gibson’s amazing imagination:

    “Bork Bork” and “Herp Derp”

    This one amuses me also because the people who use this phrase are probably the least likely in the world to know where it comes from. The phrase “Bork” was used in the mid 90′s, particularly on IRC as a general expression of “I have nothing to say, but I wish to liven up this otherwise silent channel”. The phrase “Herp Derp” on the other hand, has become popular only in the last few years, and is used to mean when something or someone is somewhat retarded or stupid, particularly in the form of imitation. If someone says something really dumb you might respond with “herp derp” or “such and such is herp derping”. “But where did this come from ?” you question.

    Well, it comes from a cult show nearly 5 years old. “Which one ?” I hear you ask, on the edge of your seats. It comes from Jim Henson’s famous “The Muppet Show” from 1974, or more specifically, the Swedish Chef, who would recite gibberish phrases that sounded vaguely like they might be Swedish, such as “bork bork” and “herp derp”. The fact that this one character’s few small segments spawned an internet meme in the 90′s almost 20 years after its creation, and then another one almost 20 years later is a testament to just how powerful and longlived memes can be and how powerful they can be, despite the original source becoming lost in the mists of time and the people repeating them having no idea what they mean or where they came from.

    This is the power of the meme. The Swedish Chef never specifically meant it to mean “this is retarded”, it just gained that meaning all in its own from someone using it in a certain context (remember I used that word before ?) and others repeating it ad nauseum until it became part of popular culture. Below is video of the Swedish Chef making chocolate mousse, and he uses both these phrases extensively.

    So what have we learned today ?

    Nothing useful, unless you are an anthropologist or a linguist, but I guess that without meaning to, I have become both in a casual sort of way. While studying communication at university I was never overly interested in it, but as the internet became a part of our lives, I saw first-hand how communication and the spread of memes and concepts could rapidly change the world in little or big ways. Back then I had no idea that a little video posted to a site such as the as not-yet-invented Facebook could spread like wildfire and influence thought, speech, attitutdes and culture. As crazy as it may seem, I am sure you could go to a foreign country where you spoke none of the language, but with the mere dropping of a certain meme, people would understand what you meant.

    This is the power of memes, and this is the power of Social Darwinism. We are social and moral animals, and our thoughts and opinions are shaped every single day by what we observe and hear around us, so don’t think that saying something or even not saying something has no meaning, because everything is communication of some sort, and everything (even silence) carries meaning. They say that “actions speak louder than words”, but I firmly believe this to be untrue. Actions are not carried from person to person like a virus, whereas words, concepts and memes are. This is the power of communication, and in a world like today’s where communication is about the most powerful weapon of change we have, this can mean everything and can change the world.

    Conclusion

    While I didn’t intend this little soliloquy to even be read, now it has been, so I may as well end with some sort of message. Communication, be it pictorial, verbal, non-verbal or even sheer silence has a massive amount of power to affect those around you, so consider that in all social situations, and if you hear something you agree with, say so, and if you hear something you disagree with, speak out – it just may mean the difference between others accepting a certain viewpoint or rejecting it. And that joke you make, or that captioned photoshop picture you knock up ? That could be the next meme and could spread like wildfire across the world without your intervention.

    Thanks to Ali for listening to me crap on about this in a tiny little Facebook chat window at 2 am last night as I got these thoughts out.

  • 09Mar
    Categories: Crazy Ramblings, Technology Comments Off

    There’s lots of forms of piracy. There’s piracy coz people are lazy, piracy coz people are impatient, and there’s piracy because people have no other choice, which is the one I’m going to talk about now.

    On our way back from a car meet last night, I was telling my mate about this awesome Honkinese car racing movie called “The Legend of Speed” that I downloaded and saw a while back that I really wanted to show him. It’s an awesome movie about this street racer who gives up racing and moves to a new town, where he meets this pretty young girl who is running her father’s mechanic shop because he’s been injured in an accident. When he sees how much they need a mechanic, he offers his services. Soon, he finds out that they are being crushed by a much larger company who want to buy them out and close them down, and despite having sworn he wouldn’t race again, he agrees to race the guy from the other company on the understanding that if he wins, they will leave the little auto shop alone. Of course, it’s an epic street race and leaves crap like The Fast and the Furious for dead, and he wins, and everyone is happy.

    But back to my point, I wanted to show my mate this movie, and because it was so great, I thought “I should buy that” (as I do whenever I love something). Of course, buying a Hong Kong movie from over a decade ago in Australia just isn’t possible. I even rang around all the asian video stores in town to see if they had it, but noone did. Sure, I could buy it online from YesAsia or somewhere, but even if I do, it will be region-locked and I won’t be able to play it, and anyway, I want it TODAY. So how do I get it ?

    Simple, I pirate it (again). But the point here is, if movie studios weren’t so fucking busy region-locking their crap, locking down distribution and encumbering shit with DRM, they might have half a second spare to setup a proper online distribution system where people can pay to stream or download a movie. Now, as much as I’d love a shiny DVD to put on my shelf, I’d be happy enough to stream it if it means I get instant gratification.

    The point is, if I could go online right now, search for the movie, punch in my credit card number and be watching it 5 seconds later, I would do it in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t even care what it cost, I just want to watch this damn movie, and I can’t, because studios are more worried about people stealing their work than they are about selling it online.

    Just wake up guys, I have a credit card and an internet connection, and I’m ready to pay to watch the movies I want, no matter when they were released, or what country they come from. Why is that such a hard concept for you movie studios to understand ? You give me a huge library of streaming movies, and I will pay you to access it. Get it ? It’s not hard. You provide it, I pay for it. But if you can’t do that for me, don’t be so fucking butt-hurt when I go and pirate it instead. It’s not because I’m cheap, it’s because that’s the only way I have access to the content I want !

    As a footnote, the same problem exists with music. Yes we have the iTunes store, and it’s great, but I still can’t buy Japanese music on there, because they insist on only distributing their content to countries they want to sell in. And I can’t go to the Japanese store, because you need a valid credit card in that country to sign up. Now, sure, CD’s aren’t region-locked, so I guess I can import it, but that’s not the point. The point is this is two thousand and bloody eleven, and I should be able to get it online. I know record labels like to control the distribution and will only sell to countries that license the music from them for local distribution, but can anyone remind me again why they do this ? Who does it benefit ? Seems to me they’re just shooting themselves in the foot. I mean, sure, the Australian market for Japanese music might not be small enough for them to care about, but just stop this regionalisation crap will you ? The more people get used to pirating by necessity, the more likely they will be to pirate for other reasons.

    It’s simple guys. If you won’t sell me something I really want, I’ll steal it. End of story.

  • 19Nov
    Categories: Apple, iPhone, Open Source, Technology Comments Off

    I’ve read plenty iPhone success stories recently. Forgive me if I don’t cite references for these, but they’re very current stories, I’m lazy, and not many people read this blog right now.

    The iPhone is the number #2 business smartphone.

    *cough*honeymooneffect*cough*

    The iPhone is #1 in business smartphone reliability.

    Well, we all know this is based purely on hardware defect statistics. It doesn’t reflect the fact that the iPhone is probably the WORST phone for software reliability.

    You’ve got to give Apple credit. They grabbed the whole world by the balls with the iPod, and everyone said “Wow. Apple did something right for a change. What an amazing fluke”. Then there was murmurings about a phone. But in the Apple world, most rumours turn out to be just that – rumours, so noone took too much notice. Besides, they couldn’t pull it off again, surely ? Oh, what’s that, they did, and they are now the most successful product in another field ? Damn, that’s lucky.

    Ok, putting the humour aside for the moment. There’s one aspect of the iPhone that noone seems to be talking about. It’s not the elegance, the simplicity, the ease of use. No, the thing that noone is talking about is the fact that Apple have turned software distribution on its head, with the App Store.

    It used to be that when you wanted a piece of software for a device, you went to a shop and paid $100 for it. Or, if it was from a smaller development company, then you went to their web site, and you downloaded a limited feature trial version that worked for a month, and then if you were able to evaluate it properly within that time (presuming it didn’t do something really lame like preventing you from saving your document) you would contact the developer, give them your credit card, pay about $50 and get a long key via email to unlock your software.

    Sometimes this process worked well, sometimes it didn’t. I tried to register PDA-Net (not an AppStore application) for my iPhone this week when it expired suddenly. The link they provided was a fake one pointing to localhost to perform some ridiculous trickery that they thought was cute. Maybe it was part of an anti-piracy measure, I don’t know. I don’t care. All I know was that I tried for three hours, and I got two mates on the phone (since I had no net) to try and find the phone number for the company to register it. Unfortunately what I found was many reports about the company never responding to email, have an unlisted phone number, and serial numbers often failing to work at all.

    I thought “If this was on the App Store, I wouldn’t have this problem”. Why ? Because the App Store is BEAUTIFUL. It works ! It’s cheap ! Most applications are less than $3 Australian, and you always get what you pay for, simply, easily, without hassle.

    See Apple have mastered two concepts here. One is the centralised distribution of software. Anyone could do this, it’s not rocket science. Linux has been doing it for years in the form of APT. The real genius comes when you pair that concept with another one that economists have been bandying about since the 90′s – Micropayments.

    To be fair to the true vision of the word, micropayments are more about paying mere cents to access content. Not dollars to make purchases. But what Apple have done is ask “Could a micropayment-style model work for the inexpensive distribution of user-contributed software ?”.

    Well, yes it can, and it’s glorious to behold. Thousands of applications submitted within the first couple of months alone. Millions of purchases. In the first few months of release, purchases of applications vastly outpaced purchases of music on iTunes. While Apple keep their figures pretty close to their chest, only announcing them when they reach a new milestone, I think it’s safe to say that not only is the iPhone a runaway success, but that the App Store is possibly an even bigger success.

    So here’s a thought. What if the App Store came to your PC ? The concept is simple, it’s (arguably) better for a developer to sell an application a thousand times at $10 than to sell it a hundred times at $100. While the cost of managing support for a thousand customers is higher, those customers are not going to be as demanding over a $10 application as a $100 one. You’ve made a lot more people a lot more happier. So what if instead of having to register X-chat via the makers, for $25, if instead, you could just buy it from the App Store for $5, and download it immediately ?

    The developer gets more sales and more recognition for their work, the customer gets their applications cheaper, and the lower costs reduce the appeal of piracy. Quite simply, when I only have to pay lunch money to buy an application easily and reliably from a trusted distribution source – why in the hell would I want to pirate it ?

    Make things easier and cheaper, and you stamp out piracy, and make more money as well ! What could possibly be better ? As the underpants gnomes would say:

    1. Create inexpensive, centralised distribution and micropayment model.
    2. ???
    3. PROFIT !!!
  • 16Nov
    Categories: Apple, iPhone, Open Source, Technology Comments Off

    If you were to ask me a couple of months after the iPhone’s launch, what the worst things were about the device, I would have told you very quickly and honestly:

    1) The official applications (Maps, Mail, Safari) are riddled with bugs and crash constantly.
    …and…
    2) Apple are insanely, unreasonably, unfathomably strict with their developer restrictions – the SDK and NDA.

    Not only could a developer not ask another developer a simple question about the SDK, but it was even forbidden to share your own code. Yes, on a platform based on open source software – it was forbidden to share your source. So, I put my love/hate relationship with Apple on hold, and put up with the iPhone while I waited for Android with bated breath. Because Android is open right, it’s gonna be innovative and new right ?

    Well, early signs show Android is just a cheap iPhone knock off, and so is the hardware it runs on, but time will tell. More importantly, Apple have actually STOPPED being bastards. What’s that, you say ? Impossible ?

    No, really. Back in October, they lifted the NDA. Instantly the ban on talking about fight club, err, I mean iPhone development was gone, at least among registered developers (which anyone can become for free incidentally) and within Apple’s little walled garden. But it looks like the lawyers haven’t finished being beaten into the ground, burned, drowned, chopped up into little bits, and then burned again just yet. There may be more joy on the horizon.

    Look I predicted this. Ok, not here, in writing, but I swear I did predict it. Mainly as a last desperate hope for change that I thought was never likely to happen, but nevertheless, I hoped, and it seems it was not in vain. The shackles are coming off. Infoworld’s Yager covers some of the changes in a vague nonspecific way here.

    Apple are setting up Open Source Code Repositories. They are providing more places to talk about development. They are even allowing distribution of apps outside the AppStore now. How we will install these apps remains to be seen, maybe developers can simply host an .ipa on their web site and that’s it. What was know is that now just because it can’t go on the App Store, doesn’t mean it’s not allowed to exist.

    You write it, you host it, you take responsibility for it. That’s basically what Apple are saying and we must take this for what it is – the closest thing to true unrestricted freedom of development so far. Once developers all share the arcane secrets of background apps, PUSH, and system hooks – there might one day be no need to jailbreak at all ! And that’s a future that we should all look forward to.

  • 10Nov
    Categories: Apple, Technology Comments Off

    As i was saying, if you happened to be a mac user during the years um, about 89-93, when steve was away being busy at NeXT, which is what we call “the early torment of system 9″ or the early years after he got back and brought with him the joy of a BSD kernel and postscript rendering engine in the form of “the early horror that was system 10″, you would know that Mac OS has not always been an awesomely stable beast.

    OS 9.0 was an utter piece of shit. It was shit, piled on shit. I mean, it wasn’t Windows ME… but it wasn’t much better. As far as Apple’s history goes… it was Apple’s ME. Crashes were frequent and the dreaded “bomb” was feared above all things.

    Then we got OS X. 10.1 and thereabouts was sorta like Windows NT. It was rock solid fucking stable. But there was one problem. The applications were SHIT. The widgets and toolkits in the OS had not been developed long enough, and applications would just CRASH.

    The system itself ? It’d never crash, but the apps were as good as the early win32 apps… or worse.

    The iPhone, or ARM port of Darwin is at about the same stage as OS X 10.1 or 10.2 – the foundation is AWESOME – but the apps are just fucking broken. Also the hardware isn’t yet equipped to take on a full Unix OS. If you owned a mac around 2005, you’d know that even if you had a really fucking fast one.. and Photoshop would fly… the system itself… was a cow. The problem was that systems just did not come with enough ram. I had my powerbook in 2005 maxed out with the most ram i could get – 1gb, and it was a fucking COW.

    1 GB is and was, not nearly enough to ever run OS X. Not even the early versions. And don’t even think about 512 MB … because the system would run like TREACLE. Yet, until just 1 year ago.. systems STILL CAME WITH ONLY 512 MB standard ! Even some Pro systems !

    Only the dumbest fuck on the planet would buy a mac… and use the default amount of ram. because it would … SUCK at that particular point in time. Nowadays, 2 GB is standard in low-end and 4 GB in high-end, which is absolutely fucking PERFECT and osx runs – brilliant – on it.

    But for years… the hardware was simply not up to the weight of the software, and OS X is, and always has been, a very graphically intensive, multi-layered, Unix system. And systems like that, while they don’t need a lot of cpu… need a lot of ram.

    People coming into the market now have no idea.. they see OS X as this awesome, fully developed OS. But it wasn’t always like that. Well, it was good and well developed, but the programming toolkits and the amount of ram required to run the system severely hampered it’s use. Or maybe developers sucked back then.

    See, Photoshop never crashed. Wasn’t possible. Adobe apps just don’t crash on a mac. Especially Photoshop. Seeing photoshop crash on a mac is something that mac techs would all crowd around to see. It’d be a WTF-a-thon.

    But during those formative years, other apps, and i’m talking especially about the app mac users have loved to hate since the very first macintosh – FINDER – were utter garbage. Fuck the blue screen of death. During those early OS X years, we had our own thing to hate – THE SPINNING BEACHBALL OF COMPLETE DOOM !

    Oh mac users today know the beachball still, but it is not the bringer of doom anymore. It’s a brief “please hold on one moment, I’m -really- busy”. But back then… it meant DOOM.

    Which brings me to the iPhone.

    It doesn’t do anything when it fucks up…. your app just disappears into thin air. And that’s PRECISELY what used to happen on Jaguar ! 10.2 was all about the “omg didn’t i have an app running a second ago ?” moments. You would click on the wrong spot in a window and your app disappeared. You opened a menu that you’ve opened a thousand times before, and your app disappeared.

    “Poof, gone. Sorry you were busy working.. I’m GONE now !”

    And that’s the iPhone today. “Oh what, did you want to use google maps ? TOO FUCKING BAD”. I entered one particular address into google maps yesterday… 5 times. “Forest Lake Shopping Centre”, and every single time… it crashed.

    It just didn’t want to go there. “No forest lake village for YOU pawz. If you want to go there.. you can find your OWN way.. coz I’m NOT FUCKING GOING !”

    So I had to get out of my car, and i had to ASK someone how to get there. Like.. a HUMAN BEING. Can you believe it ? My connection to the internet was SEVERED. It was like Fallout 3. I was in the WASTELAND. iPhone was NOT my friend anymore. So i found my own way to Forest Lake Village.

    It was happy enough to work all the way home and do everything else i wanted, but it was NOT gonna take me to Forest Lake Village.

    And you know what else ? JO’S WOULDN’T EITHER !!!

    Two iPhones… REFUSED… to take us.. to Forest Lake Village. Maybe it’s on the iPhone’s secret blacklist. “PLACES NOT TO GO: Forest Lake”. I mean, Darwin on the iphone.. could survive a nuclear holocaust. But the apps running on it ? Well…

    Safari should be called “Lost in the fucking jungle”.

    Google Maps should be called “Google… might maybe take you there.. or might not”, and

    Mobile Mail should be called “Mobile carrier pidgeon that can only carry a short bit of text or a single photo, but not anything heavy like a zip file”.

    Amirite ?

    Anyway, it will undoubtedly improve. Worth noting is that Apple recently rescinded the unpopular and unfriendly iPhone Developer NDA, making many people much happier, and I wonder if in the future they might actually open up the OS to certain third party features (push, background apps, copy paste) without the need to Jailbreak. Could it be that they were just testing the waters and introducing it slowly with lots of restrictions, and then as it develops, loosen them ? It’s happened before in the Darwin XNU kernel scene, it could happen again. Who knows what Apple might do in the future. We can only speculate and hope they stop being such spoiled brats.