• 02Sep
    Categories: Apple, Development Comments Off

    I need a lot of desktop space as shown in the picture below.

    My Desktop

    Apart from my main hackintosh with dual 22″ monitors, I have a mac mini running linux with a 17″ monitor to the left for all my terminal work, and on the other side, I have a 17″ G4 iMac just for IRC. I have an RSS feed in one of my channels, so I tend to click on links in that, but Safari on the G4 isn’t the fastest thing around, so I decided to pull some Remote Apple Events tricks out of my hat so as to load links in Safari on my main machine instead.

    How I did it was to put the following into Applescript Editor, and save it as an Application Bundle (replacing the user, pass and ip/hostname in the second line) :

    on open location theurl
    	set dest to "eppc://user:pass@ipaddress"
    	tell application "Safari" of machine dest
    		activate
    		open location theurl
    	end tell
    end open location
    

    But for an application to handle URLs and be able to be set as the default browser, you have edit the Info.plist file inside the “Contents” folder of the app bundle and add the following:

    <key>CFBundleIdentifier</key>
    <string>com.pawz.openbrowser</string>
    <key>CFBundleURLTypes</key>
    <array>
    	<dict>
    		<key>CFBundleURLName</key>
    		<string>Remote Opener</string>
    		<key>CFBundleURLSchemes</key>
    		<array>
    			<string>http</string>
    		</array>
    	</dict>
    </array>
    

    Next, you have to tell OSX to refresh the launchservices info by running this command (which I’ve broken up into three commands just so it fits on this page) and replacing with the path to your app:

    cd /System/Library/Frameworks/CoreServices.framework
    cd Frameworks/LaunchServices.framework/Support
    ./lsregister -v -f /path/to/my.app
    

    Lastly you need to enable “Remote Apple Events” in the “Sharing” panel of System Preferences on your “destination” computer. Now, you can load up Safari on the “source” computer and change the default browser to be your Applescript application and close Safari again. Now, when you click on links in any application, it will contact the remote computer, bring Safari to the foreground, and load the URL. Isn’t that just *awesome* ?

  • 28Apr
    Categories: Development Comments Off

    I had a hard time recently while setting up my latest Asterisk + FreePBX install. Outbound calls worked fine, but GoTalk’s server wasn’t even contacting my Asterisk box to route incoming calls. I ripped through 3 versions of asterisk and many reinstalls before I discovered the cause. GoTalk need a slightly more convoluted register string than normal. Once I entered the special register string, it registered and received calls fine. If you’re looking for a GoTalk config for Asterisk with the help of any of the guis, use this:

    Outgoing Settings

    Trunk name: GoTalk

    Peer Details:

    host=sip.gotalk.com
    authuser=09xxxxxxx
    username=09xxxxxx
    secret=YNxxxxxx
    type=peer
    fromuser=09xxxxxx
    fromdomain=sip.gotalk.com
    canreinvite=no
    insecure=very
    qualify=yes

    Incoming Settings

    User Context: 09xxxxx

    User Details:

    username=09xxxxx
    fromuser=09xxxxx
    type=peer
    secret=YNxxxxx
    insecure=very
    host=sip.gotalk.com
    fromdomain=sip.gotalk.com
    context=from-pstn

    Register String:

    09xxxxxxx:YNxxxxxxx:09xxxxxx@sip.gotalk.com:5060/09xxxxxx

    After this, just add your inbound route with 09xxxxxx as your DID and divert it to a local extension and you should be in business ! Hope this helps you avoid some hair-pulling.

  • 28Apr
    Categories: Development Comments: 0

    I recently switched from using flat zone files to mysql zones using the MySQL Bind SDB Driver to put all my zone records into a database, which lets me update zone records and see the dns changes immediately without needing to reload bind. Unfortunately, one of my sites is a dynamic beast that generates the site based on the subdomain, and if the subdomain doesn’t exist, optionally run an install script to create that subdomain. As such it relied on bind9 wildcard dns to resolve the subdomains. However, even though the the MySQL SDB Driver supports wildcard dns, it has a bit of a flaw in the way it parses the domain name. When given unknown.domain.com it would attempt to resolve *.unknown.domain.com when it should in fact be looking for *.domain.com, which means that lookups for a wildcard record fail.

    As such, I waded neck-deep into the Mysql SDB Driver source in order to come up with a fix, and I emerged with the following patch file:

    wildcard.patch

    Unpack the MySQL Bind SDB Driver source and cd to the mysql-bind directory and patch the file with the following command:

    patch -p0 < /path/to/wildcard.patch

    Then follow the MySQL Bind SDB Driver Installation Document as per usual to add the drivers files to bind and configure bind as normal.

    Wildcard records should be specified in the form *.domain.com and should always be A records as wildcarding a CNAME is not recommended. When a record lookup fails now, it will look for a wildcard record and if found, return that record.

  • 20Feb

    In Linkinus, you can get the currently playing iTunes track info by typing /itunes, which is all well and good, but what if you have a beautiful g4 iMac dedicated to IRC, but you play your music on another computer ? Alas, all is lost ! O wait, no it isn’t, all you have to do is enable “Remote Apple Events” on the computer with iTunes (in sharing, in system preferences) and then open up ~/Library/Application Support/Linkinus 2/Scripts/itunes.scpt and make the following changes:

    1. Change:

    	tell application "Finder"
    		if (get name of every process) contains "iTunes" then set itunes_active to true
    	end tell

    To:

    	set itunes_active to true

    This will stop it checking on the local computer for iTunes. Next change:

    	tell application "iTunes"
    		if player state is playing then
    			set theTrack to name of the current track
    			set theArtist to artist of the current track
    			set theAlbum to album of the current track
    			set theBitrate to bit rate of the current track
    			set theKind to kind of the current track
    			set theRating to rating of the current track
    			set theStream to current stream title
    			set got_track to true
    		end if
    	end tell

    To:

    	set dest to "eppc://username:password@hostname"
    	using terms from application "iTunes"
    		tell application "iTunes" of machine dest
    			set theTrack to name of the current track
    			set theArtist to artist of the current track
    			set theAlbum to album of the current track
    			set theBitrate to bit rate of the current track
    			set theKind to kind of the current track
    			set theRating to rating of the current track
    			set theStream to current stream title
    			set got_track to true
    		end tell
    	end using terms from

    … and lo and behold, you’re getting your iTunes track info from the remote computer instead. Geek points +1 for today.

  • 30Jan
    Categories: Development Comments: 1

    I come from a PHP background as a web developer, so when I started learning Objective C, one of the first programs I tried to write was an RSS reader since I had plenty of data laying around in MySQL tables. I googled for MySQL frameworks for Cocoa/Objective C and only came up with one, MCPKit, formerly called SMySQL by Serge Cohen and available on his site at http://mysql-cocoa.sourceforge.net/. Unfortunately the framework available from there is old and compiled only for PPC, not Intel. Since then, someone called glimberg has put a Universal Binary version of the earlier SMySQL project online at http://code.google.com/p/mysql-cocoa-framework/, However I believe this framework is broken as I found it wouldn’t return more than one column of data. I contacted some of the developers of the project Sequel Pro as they were the only people I knew of who used MCPKit in their application and they were very helpful and told me how to compile their more updated and fixed version of MCPKit that they bundle with their application. I did, and finally the framework sprang to life. I’d like to share with you how to install the framework and how to write a simple GUI application that displays query results in a table. I have a database of RSS news items that I want to display in a scrollable table.

    Install the framework into your project

    The best guide to this is this one written by Serge himself. I’ve stored it here in case it goes missing from his site like his examples and other code. I recommend you read it and follow the instructions to the letter to avoid linking errors.

    Include the framework

    In your main App Controller’s header file, include the framework’s headers:

    #import <MCPKit/MCPKit.h>

    Setup your database variables

    In your header, define the variables we’re going to use to store the connection handle, the results, and the array we use.

    MCPConnection *db;
    MCPResult *result;

    Connect to your database

    The syntax for connecting to the database is very easy. The authors of Sequel have changed the way passwords are handled in their version of MCPKit to support connecting via keychain, so here’s how it’s done:

    db = [[MCPConnection alloc] initToHost:@"hostname" withLogin:@"username" usingPort:3306];
    [db setPassword:@"yourpassword"];
    NSLog(@"Connect: %d", [db connect]);
    NSLog(@"SelectDB: %d", [db selectDB:@"ismyhome"]);

    Running Queries

    Queries are easy to perform and results can be retrieved as an array or an NSDictionary which is quite useful. If you’re used to PHP, you’ll use queryString instead of mysql_query and fetchRowsAsArray and fetchRowsAsDictionary instead of mysql_fetch_array and mysql_fetch_assoc like you’re used to. In my example here, I just use fetchRowAsArray.

    NSArray *row;
    result = [db queryString:@"select Title, Link from newsitems LIMIT 10"];
    while (row = [result fetchRowAsArray]) {
    	[rss addObject: [row objectAtIndex:0]];
    }

    tableview

    Creating an NSTableView

    OK so you’ve got some data, how do you output it ? In your header, create a tableView outlet.
    IBOutlet NSTableView *tableView;

    Now in Interface Builder, drop in an NSTableView and an Object for your AppController. Click twice on the middle of the table so the TableView is selected (as opposed to the ScrollView), then right click and connect the dataSource and delegate methods to your AppController so it looks as shown in the screenshot to the right. To link our IBOutlet to the NSTableView, right click your AppController and link the tableView outlet to your NSTableView you just created.

    Provide data to your NSTableView

    To provide your NSTableView with data you must implement two protocol functions as shown below:

    -(int)numberOfRowsInTableView:(NSTableView *)tv {
    	return [rss count];
    }
    -(id)tableView:(NSTableView *)tv
    		objectValueForTableColumn:(NSTableColumn *)tableColumn
    		row:(int)row {
    	return [rss objectAtIndex:row];
    }

    Download the the working framework

    As mentioned, I found both the versions of MCPKit/SMySQL floating around on Serge’s page and the google page to be broken, so I’m providing here a copy of the Universal Binary compiled framework as compiled from the latest Sequel Pro 0.9.7 source. If you need to recompile the framework for any reason, I suggest getting their source below. To compile it you just need to select the MCPKit target and build.

    Sequel Pro Source Code - download

    Latest MCPKit (build 1218) - download

    Getting Help

    Since Serge is no longer maintaining this project it’s hard to find support for it. If you’re looking for other users of the framework, try the authors of Sequel Pro who can be found in #sequel-pro on Freenode. Thanks to avenjamin for helping me with some linking errors I was having and putting me on the right track.

  • 22Nov
    Categories: Personal Comments: 194

    So, mum and dad have been away for two days now. Mum complained to me earlier by sms that “A big cat has just anchored right beside us. God some people are dickheads” which made me laugh. I can just imagine them sitting downstairs glaring out the windows asking hypothetically “why did they anchor so close ?”.

    I really feel like I’m missing out by not being on this trip, but it’s their holiday and they wouldn’t want me spoiling it for them. Instead I decided to spend the day with Grandma, or at least, her book. I read half the other day and I decided it was time to finish it, so I grabbed a deckchair and a bottle of ginger beer and drove down to the waterfront.

    The tide was fully in, so where I’d chosen was just rocks down to the waterline with no beach visible at all. There was a nice cool breeze, so I just sat my deckchair down above the rocks and then did the natural thing - I jumped on IRC to gloat that I was sitting at the beach and everyone else wasn’t. I don’t know why I feel compelled to connect and tell people that I’m chatting to them from unusual places.

    After the novelty of talking on IRC wore off, mainly because noone was chatting back I opened up the book I was reading - Across the Timor Sea by Jose Robinson, my grandmother. It’s quite an interesting read and is told in a novel style rather than completely documentary which I was thankful for. At the end I was disappointed it wasn’t longer or that there was a movie version of it ! I’m glad I read it anyway, and hopefully my children can too one day and read about my great grandfather’s efforts during the war.

    The wind was getting a bit strong so I packed up and headed home. One thing I’m really enjoying about being by myself is taking care of the garden. I’ve been watering twice a day, which is more than necessary because it’s enjoyable and kills time.

    hb

  • 21Nov
    Categories: Personal Comments: 65

    I’ve got the house to myself this week. My parent’s place that is. They’ve gone off on a 10-day long exploration of the straits around the south end of Fraser Island. They’ve been preparing for weeks and I’ve been extremely envious. I just got a message earlier that said that they’ve reached their anchorage for the night and are just putting the fishing lines out to try and catch some dinner.

    I’m a bit funny about fishing because I’m of two minds. On one hand I think it is an incredibly cruel way to catch animals and I once heard the phrase in a book I once read (Desmond Morris - The Animal Contract) that “If fish could scream, fishing would be outlawed”. However I often wonder if there is anything more barborous about fishing over for example the slaughter of beef cattle.

    The real problem, I think is that fishing is fun, and logically I should not want to find anything cruel and painful for another species to be considered fun to me. But what is hunting and is it wrong for a man to experience a surge of adrenaline and an excitation of the nerves as one brings the spear into a beast ? Is the thrill of conquering another species supposed to excite and please ? Is it wrong to feel it ?

    Whatever the outcome, I am sure that fishing purely for pleasure is a terrible sin, but that maybe fishing for food is not such a horrible thing. We must eat, and that means that lower species must die. I would prefer that fishing could offer minimum harm to the victim, but it’s somewhat of an age-old method that has never changed. In some way I think that to hunt a free animal is still better than breeding them in captivity only to reach the same end result.

    Once the moral dilemma of fishing has passed, I threw my farm-breed beef onto the BBQ and thought back to the week before last’s southpark when the americans observed the japanese slaughtering cows and chicken and commented “Great. Now they’re normal, like us”. I must admit, I would love to be there hauling in on an excited bream or flat-head and then cooking it up for dinner. At the end of the week we’re supposed to meet up somewhere down the south end of Fraser and I’ll come aboard for a night and relax and maybe do a little fishing. A lion’s gotta eat, after all. :”)

  • 30Aug
    Categories: Life Comments: 67

    If you’d told me a few years ago that I would drive into the bush to spend four days at a country music festival I would have laughed my ass off. “Country ? You mean songs about creeks and horses and dogs ?” I might have asked incredulously. But the National Music Muster at Amamoor, just south of Gympie is no regular country festival. It’s almost equal part blues festival these days and getting more mainstream by the year so I could find myself there for many reasons.

    Camping has never been at the top of my list of things that I love doing. I don’t like dirt much. But the atmosphere of 30,000 camp sites crowded together in a field for the sole purpose of partying like there’s no tomorrow is something I can get behind. Some of the camp sites really are amazing. They have competitions for the best dressed camp site so people really go all out. Rustic street signs with funny slogans are the norm. Some people bring whole fences with them to go around their site and a few people had fully clothed straw men sitting around in deck chairs partying.

    The “Muster” related jokes are thick and many with one camp site having a large carved wooden sign that said “MusterLeftMyBrainAtHome.com”. I was disappointed to find it wasn’t a real web site. I would have put up a site to go with my placard if I’d had one, but I was soft-core compared to these people. To get a good camp site, everyone had to stake out their spot a month before hand and even then it was well and truly packed. Some people have their sites marked out the year before.

    I’ll say one thing, it wasn’t truly “roughing it”. There were excellent toilet and shower facilities with amazing hot showers to rejuvenate you after a hard night’s drinking. The telcos drag in a portable base station so there’s full mobile signal for the hundreds of thousands of people passing through the gates. Optus even had a free “bush internet” cafe setup, but to me it was being able to browse the web on my iPhone at my campsite in a deck chair in a cow paddock in the middle of nowhere that really made me feel like we had the comforts of home, although the data speed was miserable and only 2G internet was available, but hey - being able to read xkcd in the morning really made me feel more at home.

    I went prepared to party. I was only planning to spend two nights there at first but I still brought along two 40 ounce bottles of Inner Circle rum. I had my first bottle premixed in a 2L Coke bottle and I actually made the astounding move of finishing the whole bottle before breakfast, just after arriving at the camp site. That made the first day a little bit of a blur and I crashed out early just after dark. The second day wasn’t much better although I spaced out my rum consumption a little more, finishing the second bottle by the end of the second day. I totally bombed out on Friday night as well, asleep before the night acts came on stage due to too much alcohol and smoke.

    Extending my visit for an extra day for the princely sum of $100 I was determined to get more out of Saturday and I swore off the grog, although I think my stomach probably made that decision for me. I didn’t touch a drop on Saturday and as a result I stuck in there for the long haul. The long haul of course lasting until about 9pm, not 4am like the real diehards. The whole time we were there we never caught a single act on the main stages, preferring to hole up in the Blues Tent or the Wine Bar and enjoy some of the lesser known artists. In fact, I think I only recognised the name of one of the acts we saw there the whole time which was Jeff Lang on Saturday night and who put on an absolutely stellar performance. He can really play a mean guitar - and so fast !

    I’ll admit that most of the music was a little more country than I normally would choose but it was still all good music. There was one artist who was a 19 year old kid called Liam and he put on an awesome show as well. Like many of the artists, he was a recent winner of the Talent Search that runs all week at the Muster. I would have liked to catch the finale of the Talent Search but it wasn’t on until Sunday and by that time I was begging for a warm bed and a hot bath.

    I think one of the reasons I went is to do the Muster in Josh’s honour. Josh loved the Muster and the camping and the whole deal like he was born into it, but then he was always the cow-cocky of the family. I couldn’t find my Akubra among all my stuff so I wore Josh’s instead. Wearing his hat and camping with his dog it almost felt like he was there. He might have had a go at me for not drinking Bundy like a real cowboy but other than that I think he would have been proud of me for toughing it out with the best of them and knocking back two whole bottles of rum without being sick.

    We packed up pretty quickly and got home in good time. Sadly we had to bring all our wood back with us because there was a total fire ban for the duration of the event. There would have been a lot of wasted wood there when everyone left I’ll wager. After a shower and a shave at home I almost felt ready to go back for the last day ! Now we just have to look forward to the next event. I think it’ll probably be the Woodford Folk Festival next although I’m looking forward to Blues on Broadbeach next year.

    Anyway, all up I’d have to say - MusterHadARealGoodTime ! Josh would be proud of us.

  • 12Jul
    Categories: Personal Comments: 289

    Today we took the yacht out for a sail. Dad suggested we go out in the tinny but I wouldn’t have a bar of it because I hadn’t been sailing in years. It was a cold morning and we all went down early all rugged up. We didn’t bring the dog with us because she would have needed to go ashore to pee and we didn’t have the dinghy with us.

    I was nominated skipper, which basically meant I got to watch the GPS and baby-sit the autopilot. As dad said “You can steer if you want but this is 2009. Nobody steers anymore”. For an old boat, it had a lot of modern equipment on it and I was happy to just adjust the autopilot as we rounded the beacons on the GPS and drink a beer and look at the amazing view. There wasn’t a breath of wind but the sun was soon up and it was an absolutely magic warm day on the bay. The water was crystal clear and at one point Dad looked over and said “shit, it’s shallow” but I looked at the depth sounder and said “You know what ? It’s over 10 meters deep”. You could just see everything on the ocean floor as we passed over it. Since there wasn’t much wind to speak of we motored all the way over to Fraser though we did put the sails up they weren’t doing much. We had the trolling line out the back of the boat on a goomi with the hope that we might pick up a mackerel.

    By the time we got over there the wind had picked up a little bit and we turned down-wind to make the best of the situation and turned the motor off. It was so quiet and peaceful. We were barely moving and certainly getting nowhere fast, but the point of the day was to sail, and sail we did. There were so many other boats out, fishing and sailing. A small group of racing yachts had started their race at the marina and were now chasing each other down the headland at the north end of the bay. It was beautiful to see all the spinnakers up. Even if we weren’t moving much ourselves it helped the sailing atmosphere to see other yachts doing their thing.

    We were having visitors later in the afternoon so we had to reluctantly turn back towards Hervey Bay. Just as we did, a pod of dolphins popped up nearby and followed us for a bit. A little later we spotted several more groups. We were practically surrounded by dozens of dolphins ! Sailing along in total silence among the dolphins was just an amazing experience. Well, silence apart from Triple J. We were listening to the Hottest 100 of All Time and we were down to the top 50. There was some great songs, apart from The Beach Boys who somehow snuck a song into the top 50 which left us all just dumbfounded. The wind had picked up a bit and we were making a nice pace but we had to start the motor to head into the wind to round the beacon and avoid the shallow waters near Big Woody Island.

    The sun was warm and the afternoon was just beautiful. From a gloomy looking morning it had turned into a perfect day to be out, if not so good for sailing but I didn’t care as the sails were filled at least and it was so enjoyable. The Catalina is a very roomy boat downstairs and the fridge had cooled down the beer to taste. It’s such a cute little boat. As we head home I wonder if I will ever be able to share this experience with Suki. It’d be cool for sailing to stay in the family as I certainly enjoy it and although I likely won’t buy one, I might hire one again one day for a day trip such as today. We make plans to come on an overnight trip to Fraser soon and headed home to finish off the top 100 at home. A great day out.

  • 29Jun
    Categories: Suki Comments: 49

    Today I got more photos of Suki’s Christening from family. Some of them were so great, since I only had a few myself. I updated Josh’s web page yesterday with some new messages and fixed some problems that had crept into the photo gallery due to the server change. Tomorrow is his birthday and I’m really missing him today. I went down to the Uni to pickup some textbooks that they didn’t have in stock yet and put up an advert for a flatmate as I’m having real trouble finding someone. It was a ghost town due to holidays and the wind blew tumbleweeds past as I walked around. Couldn’t get an ID card or anything printed either as it’s not close enough to the start of term. Couldn’t get the wifi password as the IT services desk was empty. Came home and saw all the photos that had been sent and cried over how wonderful they all were. Thinking a lot about how long it’s going to be before I see her again under such auspicious circumstances. I just wish I could have parties for her all the time. Oh well, it was wonderful anyway and I’ll always have the memories.

  • 28Jun
    Categories: Suki Comments: 111

    Suki’s christening was a really big deal to me. Even though I’m not very religious myself, I still follow certain traditions, and the christening of my daughter was a really big moment for me in her life. Probably the biggest for many years to come because I’m not going to be there to hear her first word or see her first steps, so short of the first day of school which I hope to be there for, the christening was really the biggest event in her early life.

    Suki has a godmother, Catherine on Jo’s side of the family and on my side is one of my best friends Stefan and they were both present as they should be. The church filled up early and I was really surprised how many people were there and so happy that so many that I’d invited had been able to turn up. Among my friends I had many old ones who I hadn’t seen in years such as Frazer, Rebecca and Luke as well as my good friends Tonez and Craig. I wish I’d thought to take photos of all them since I don’t have any but I guess they all have their own photos on Facebook so as long as that never blows up I can always see photos there ! Luke is a professional photographer now so he probably got some awesome photos with his lovely shiny camera *envy*. It was also great to see good friends and business clients the Harphams who took the drive down from Toowoomba just for the short ceremony.

    Among family we had Uncle Ken and his wife Brendah and Tony and Aunt Gael, who I probably embarrassed by commenting aloud how much like Grandma Jose she was looking who was present with the other great grandparent Don. So it was amazing to have four generations of Robinson’s all together in the same room. While I guess I must have been present for my brother’s christening I don’t remember it as I was young but I so much wished he could have been present. Just now looking at the photos I can’t help but think how conspicuous he is by his absence, but I know he was there in spirit and I’m sure he would have thought the ceremony was truly wondrous.

    It was all a little too much excitement for Suki who slept through most of the ceremony with a beautiful peaceful expression on her face. She was awake and looking around for all the photos outside but once we got in and begun the ceremony she fell asleep and was looking very peaceful and happy when the priest anointed her with the oil. The ceremony was very good and what the priest recited was beautiful and moving but despite being incredibly nervous throughout, towards the end I was just wishing it could go longer because it was such an amazing experience.

    Suki I felt like the proudest person in the room yesterday although I’m sure Jo was just as moved by the experience. I’m so glad to have been there to bring you into God’s family and I feel like it was one of the most amazing moments I’ve shared both with you and as a father. It really made me feel responsible for you and proud of all the work we went through for you to make it here. Congratulations on being seven months old and being officially christened in the church. It was an experience I will treasure for my entire life. Thank you so much to everyone who attended. I will post more photos when I receive them from all the friends and family who took them.

  • 14Jun
    Categories: Suki Comments: 1

    Today was the day I had been waiting for for a long time. My first real visit to see Suki indoors with friends around. My dad couldn’t come, so it was just my mum and I driving to Brisbane to Stefan’s house. We got there around half past ten and chatted about the garden and stuff until Jo and Michael turned up with Suki. They handed her over quickly and left, much thanks to them, and instantly the whole day became about Suki. She was just hugged and held by everyone and we all waited for our turn eagerly. Stefan was so great with her, as was his sister Maria who seemed instantly maternal.

    She must have been a little bit tired when she arrived because after a short while of me reading to her she cried a little and went to sleep, on me ! I was so glad that she picked me to fall asleep on because I said last time how nice a thing it is to feel that your child feels so comfortable with you that they can fall asleep on you. Of course it could have been anyone, I was just lucky.

    After a bit I put Suki in her bouncer, and this was probably the happiest I’d seen her. I’d already read The Poky Little Puppy twice so I moved on to the fairy tales and I’d bounce her as I read. The only problem was, she wanted my eye contact and facial expression but I couldn’t give her much because I was reading from the book. She probably would have been happier if I’d just been looking at her and talking gibberish, but I always run out of things to say and I try to avoid too much baby talk. As such I probably enjoyed reading The Little Mermaid and The Princess and the Pea more than she did listening to them, but it’s something I’ll remember. She laughed and cooed and smiled back at me the whole time and it was just magical.

    It was so good to see Suki among friends and everyone was so happy to have her there so I’m so thankful to Stefan’s family for inviting us into their home. Those few hours made it an amazing day and I can’t wait for next time.

  • 01Jun
    Categories: Suki Comments: 11

    I bought a few things for Suki lately. Even though I haven’t seen her since mother’s day she’s on my mind a lot. Everytime I see someone with a baby when I’m out I get a warm fuzzy feeling inside in a way that I never used to before Suki was born. Plus of course I have pictures of her stuck to my monitors to remind me of her all day long. I applied to CSA to make sure Jo got child support from me even though she insisted repeatedly that she didn’t want me to apply. Unfortunately it’s not a lot of money and I feel bad that my contribution is so little so I thought I’d buy some things for her online.

    Firstly I wanted some books to read to her when I visited her so I bought a book of Fairy Tales, and a Dr Seuss book “The Lorax” and just today I was buying batteries and I noticed a copy of “The Poky Little Puppy” so I couldn’t resist getting that one. Then I went on eBay and even though I know she probably has enough jumpsuits I couldn’t resist buying these two cute ones that I saw. I also saw a cute winter jacket in her size which she’ll need so I bought that too. Once I started on eBay I couldn’t stop though so I went into the toy section. I bought this awesome Japanese caterpillar toy that you pull its tail and it vibrates as it contracts. I think she’ll really like that one. It came with some stickers and two pairs of baby socks. I also bought two bath toys. One is a bath thermometer that floats in the bath and tells you the water temperature and the other is this awesome little duck that detects when you put it in the water and it lights up in all different colours. I can totally see Suki loving that one when she’s old enough to sit up in the bath. It was such a cool toy I almost wish I had one myself. But my prize item is a Fisher Price turtle that plays music and contains a bunch of little toys that fit through holes in the side. I wanted it so bad I probably paid more than it was worth new but it was fun bidding for it. I know she won’t be able to enjoy this one for a while but it’s hard to buy toys for babies so I can only buy stuff she’ll use later. I know she’ll love it when she gets older though so it was money well spent I’m sure.

    I really enjoyed buying these things for Suki for when she gets older and whenever I have some spare money I’m going to be straight onto the net to buy more things for her. Getting toys in the mail really makes me feel like a father and I can’t wait until I have a chance to read these books to her and one day she’ll even be reading them on her own although that’s hard to imagine right now when she’s so small. I hope you like them Suki.

  • 10May
    Categories: Suki Comments: 2

    Contact centres have been very hard to, well.. contact and never get back to you and have 5 month waiting lists and really just amazingly horrible stuff so I pleaded with Jo to let me see Suki somewhere public and she agreed to let her go with Catherine and Keith to the Logan Hyperdome for a couple of hours today. My mum and I drove to Brisbane and after getting thoroughly lost and panicking we would be late if we ever found the place at all we figured out how to get there and navigating the parking nightmare before getting inside. Well, outside inside. The piazza there is really nice and has a lovely grassy area there and we waited at the coffee club for them to arrive.

    Suki was radiant. Her long eyelashes were the first thing that amazed me although she’d lost a bit of hair. Catherine said that she was six months old today. I didn’t quite see how the math worked to support that but regardless it seemed like a milestone to me. She was wide awake and fascinated by everything. Catherine passed her straight to me and she sat on my lap and almost immediately let out the hugest cackling laugh with this massive smiling mouth. She’s still on the oxygen and there was a small tank in the bottom of the stroller but the tubes were long. I’d long since been used to seeing her on oxygen so it was nothing for me and I concentrated on just smiling at her and seeing her interested face look up at me and at everything around her. Suki likes a busy world and she looks like she’s taking it all in at once.

    I held her for over an hour and she was awake and alert for most of it. Towards the end of my time holding her she would turn her head in towards me and start drifting off to sleep. It was great to see her sleeping in my arms again like I had at the hospital. It makes you feel really good inside when you know your child is willing to fall asleep in your arms.

    Our time was over all too soon and after mum had a turn holding her we had to say goodbye. I’m really glad that Jo was willing to give us this chance to see her on Mother’s day and it helped my mum feel a bit better about being the absent grandmother. Since visitation centres seem so hard to get, I can only hope that soon we will see Suki again with either Catherine or some other of our friends. I look forward to it.

  • 29Apr
    Categories: Anime Comments: 2

    My question is how often does a single episode of an anime move you ? But I don’t mean the final episodes. It’s all well and good for a story to pull at your heartstrings at the very end of a series because we know in our hearts that it’s ending and that our relationship with the characters will soon be over. We expect to be moved at the end like say, the Love Hina christmas episode which I remember watching at the end of a two day marathon of watching the whole series through from start to finish.

    Today at Addicted to Anime, our university anime club we screened a few episodes as we do each week during Wednesday common hour. One of the episodes we watched was Full Metal Alchemist episode 6. Upon noticing the episode number I couldn’t help but comment “You know what the next episode is, don’t you ?” to the group at large. Some people behind me had watched the series and needed absolutely no reminding. “Episode 7″ they replied. They shuddered visibly at the memory. Because if you’ve watched FMA, a fairly happy-go-lucky series to that point, you are in for a shocking moment that will leave the very episode number scarred into your mind. Throughout the screening they continued to make comments such as “I find it hard to watch this knowing what’s going to happen to her”. It was great to share a connection like that. Almost to have people sympathise with you over it.

    Some other anime with a defining moment or even an emotional sideline that isn’t at the end spring to mind. I remember that in I, My, Me Strawberry eggs the crucial “love” scene isn’t at the end, but pops up around episode 7 (from memory). I’ve just been watching Read or Die the last few days as I’ve been trying to watch through some of my brother’s anime that he left behind and it has a key emotional scene in episode 11 when you think that the main characters are going to part ways and you’re left wondering who the plot will follow whilst the characters say their teary goodbyes. It was only the fact that I new there was another dozen episodes did I allow myself to think “Oh, maybe they won’t split up since there’s so much story to go”, but it was a sad moment nevertheless.

    What anime have you seen that had an emotional turning point or key scene in the middle of an anime ? Comments welcome.

  • 22Feb
    Categories: Personal Comments: 0

    Mum challenged me recently to do the Gold Coast Half Marathon in July 2009 and it’s a big challenge for someone in my shape but I took it on wholeheartedly. I’m going to lose close to 20 kg and get in the best shape of my life before July so that I can do the Half Marathon and get a T-shirt for the second time.

    I went out jogging with Jake this evening and we did our usual course up the hills behind our house. It was really a walk, but it’s a very tough walk due to the steep hills involved. We committed to doing it again Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. That’s every two days. After we got back I was so pumped that I started some weight training. I have the weakest arms though and I quickly got tired just lifting 3kg weights on each arm. Jake laughed when I told him but I don’t care because I can run circles around him !

    I’ve just finished watching Neon Genesis Evangelion, which was the first anime that Josh and I watched together on SBS back in Hervey Bay so many years ago. It was what made us both fall instantly in love with the genre and we both became the most avid consumers over the following years. Watching it by myself again was both hard and wonderful. I remember watching episode 22 together when Shinji met the other boy pilot and how we both struggled to hold back our tears in front of each other.

    Next I’m going to watch more of his anime. He left so much on his hard drives. 280 gig on hard drive and much more on DVD. His favourite series and the one I remember him loving the most was Hikaru No Go and I look forward to watching that but first I’m going to watch his massive Inu Yasha collection. This is really oldschool anime and some stuff that’s really worthy of respect. It’s many years old and a really long series that dragged on for ages. I think I respect it because unlike other fight-of-the-day anime it’s still a love story at heart and it’s inspired many amazing AMV’s.

    I’m listening to Lou Reed and crying a bit for thinking of Josh. I feel awesome after so much exercise though and I could get up and box 12 rounds right now. Josh loved Lupin the Third a lot as well, aka Monkey Punch, or Miyazaki’s alter ego. This semester I’m going to watch a lot of Josh’s anime and make him proud of me with Uni and life and my daughter. Josh I wish you’d been there to see Suki born. You were the uncle I always wanted to have for my children and you’ll be there in spirit through all those years to come. I’m going to have to be twice the father to make up for you not being there, but I know I can provide enough love for both of us. Take care up there and I hope you’re looking down on Suki every night.

  • 22Feb
    Categories: Personal Comments: 7

    I got up this morning and took my laundry downstairs. By a funny chance of coincidence, both my flatmates were already sitting downstairs waiting for their laundry as well. It’s so funny that we are a house of separated men and that we all get along so well. We divided up the yardwork first thing. Jake agreed to mow the front and Chris the back and I said I’d whippersnipper.

    I watched a really amazing anime first thing. It was a movie called Origin - Spirits of the Past and it was truly epic. It wasn’t by a major director so I wondered if it was going to be any good but it turned out to be amazing. The animation was beautiful and the characters reminded me a lot of Shinkai Makoto (Voices of a Distant Star, Places Promised etc) and the story was a dead ringer for a Miyazaki. Specifically Princess Mononoke, because the story is about humankind’s battle with a dangerous forest. I’m going to write a proper review of it later because it was truly a great story of the likes of the best japanese anime directors I could name. The theme was traditional but never cliched and while I recognised many familiar themes I never felt it tried to mimic anything else. As usual I was deeply in love with the female lead by the end of the movie and it succeeded in making me cry when I thought her hero was dead.

    I encouraged everyone in the house downstairs this afternoon and I put The Wall on the iMac and turned on the outside speakers. I had it right up to the top and all the doors open so everyone nearby would have known what we were listening to. I opened a nice bottle of red that Chris had suggested I chill because he was a barman and said that wine was nice cold. I gave it a try and it really was beautiful. I sat outside with my powerbook and posted to a few web communities (the USQ Addicted to Anime club) about a planned event next Sunday.

    I resolved to have an anime screening and games night at the end of O-week and open my house to anyone who came along to watch stuff on the plasma. I’ve done it before a few times and it’s always been a great (though tiring !) way to meet like-minded people. We watch anime until late and then we play GameCube and Wii games until everyone finally agrees to GTFO as I complain how sleepy I am. (Those damned anime fans can go all night!)

    As Chris starts the back lawn I put on my favourite internet radio station, WJOE - All Pink Floyd, All the time, No interruptions whatsoever. I love it and I sit outside all afternoon posting and talking online listening to really LOUD Pink Floyd. I try to get Jake interested in Home Brewing, but he’s too stoned^H^H^H^H^H^Htired and sleeping on the bed so I boil the billy for hot water and do the brew up myself. It’s a ginger beer one this time which I love because they’re really easy and always come out good. Oh and they don’t take too long for their secondary fermentation either !

    It’s almost 6pm so I reheat last night’s fantastic spaghetti and bolognaise meatballs and sit outside eating my italian alfresco with my chilled red and listening to Division Bell. I’m feeling very house-proud lately and I spent the day scrubbing the kitchen and washing out all the bins. I’ve spent many hours recently sitting on my front and back patios listening to very loud music and watching the world go by. The view from my front yard is truly beautiful and I try to appreciate it whenever I can. I’m normally such a busy person that I can’t find much time to reflect and watch the world go by but lately I’ve needed that time to contemplate what sort of future I want and take steps to make it happen.

    I’m really excited about going back to Uni. Since I don’t know for sure what course I’ll be accepted into I’ll be attending several orientation tours depending on whether I get IT, Arts, General Studies or Psychology. I’d also like to attend the instrumental and vocal auditions for the music course as I’d love to meet up with another musician to expand our musical horizons. Jake and I came up with a name for our collaboration. We call it “Japanese Suicide Death-Pact Car”, which is a tongue-of-cheek nickname for his Toyota Delica. I’ll be putting some music online soon. I fired up Reason for the first time in a while the other night and straight off I knocked out a great little electronic tune that I was really happy with. I just want to hook up Abletron Live and overdub some guitar solos on it and then I will post it here, I promise !

    The back yard looks awesome. So many great Australian plants. I just want a nice tree to provide shade and a home for birds. One in the front and one in the back would be great. Maybe two in the front. Mum replanted a potted one in the back yard recently but we really need some in the front to attract the birds, because the cats LOVE birds, even though they rarely catch anything.

    I’ve finished my chilled red we’re still listening to Floyd and it’s almost sun-down. I’m not sure what I’m going to do tonight but I’d like to do a little coding and admin for either Suki’s site or my new one that I’ve registered. I bought “ismyhome.com.au” so that I can create forums and photo galleries and stuff on subdomains such as “toowoomba.ismyhome.com.au” and “brisbane.ismyhome.com.au” and all manner of places over Australia. 2009 is going to be a very busy Web year for me with a lot of personal projects on the table.

    Ja ne readers and kom ban wa for a beautiful cool Toowoomba evening and I hope the sky is beautiful where you are in the world tonight.

  • 21Feb
    Categories: Personal Comments: 2

    I wasn’t planning to blog about my personal life because, well… it’s personal :”) But I wrote a really long email today and it was just some stuff about where I was in life and what I wanted from the future and I thought that it’s something that I might like to read again someday, so I’ve decided to put it online, warts and all so that maybe one day I can look back on this weekend from a different place and hopefully have progressed a lot in the intervening time and I don’t know, god forbid maybe one day my kids will want to know personal stuff about me and they’ll read this, if I keep it online long enough.

    Today has been really hard. It’s the first weekend since I started seeing Suki that I don’t get to see her and looking at her photos makes me cry so much. I have a really nice one in which she’s wearing a cute bonnet that I want to print out really big and frame to put on the wall in my office. I went shopping for the second time since really breaking up with Jo today and it really brought me down despite my resolve to move on from her. It was a familiar place where we’d been so many times and I thought of the many times we’d bought sushi together there. I passed bra shops and women’s clothes shops and jewelry shops and at every one I instinctively thought about what I could buy for Jo. It made me angry at myself that I was still so attached to her despite everything she’d done and my conviction to forget about her.

    I don’t want to get back together with Jo because I know that things could never be the same as they were. It’s still really hard to accept that such a wonderful happy life could be over so suddenly though and I feel a lot of pain and anger at Jo for not having the guts to talk to me about things. Saying that she couldn’t tell me she was unhappy because she was afraid of how I would react is so hurtful when all I ever did was show her love and affection all the time. If it was over, the least she could have done was show me the respect of telling me properly instead of just running away.

    I still don’t know whether to believe her words or whether she’s just saying she was unhappy to make things easier on herself or to hurt me. Having her refuse to look at me and refuse to be in the same room with me after all the love and happy times we shared really tears my heart out but in some ways it makes it easier on me. I feel cheated by all the happy times but if Jo really wants her own life now I’d rather she have what she want. I feel so stupid though because I truly thought we were forever. I thought we shared so much and that we were so perfect that we would be together until we grew old and that I could tell her everything and now my trust has been betrayed and I feel like everything was a lie

    I desperately want to meet someone new because I feel like my heart is overflowing with love and there’s no place for it to go. I want to cook meals for someone and share time together and go shopping and on picnics and things but I know it’s not going to be that easy to find someone I can care for like I cared for Jo and who feels like the right person to spend my life with especially when I lack friends and a social life. I don’t want to be alone like my friends, living in a share house when I’m forty because I care too much about others to be like that. I need to be needed by someone to feel complete. I feel like I have no worth unless there’s someone who relies on me to do things for them.

    I would have done anything for Jo and if she’d just asked me to I could have changed in so many ways because I wanted to be there for her and be what she needed but now that she’s thrown me away like an empty can of beer I feel like I was a failure and I didn’t even realise because I stupidly thought that she loved me the way I was. I just don’t know what I did wrong other than get in a little trouble with the police a couple of times. I worked for her and I paid the mortgage and fed her and bought her clothes whenever she wanted them and spent quality time with her. Whenever she said she wanted something, I made sure I got it for her. I never treated her poorly or disrespected her or neglected her. I thought I was the perfect husband because she told me so often that I was and that she was so happy with me, so I keep looking back and thinking “Fuck. What did I do wrong ?”

    I wasn’t always happy with her addiction to painkillers and her lack of motivation to do anything with her life but I thought she would be a great mother and that was good enough for me, but now I want something more. I want a girl who’ll challenge me. Someone I have to work to keep up with. Someone who wants more than to sit at home and watch TV. I want someone who wants their own life too. Someone who gives a fuck about more than when she’s going to have her next mersyndol tablet. I just hope that I can find someone like that who is actually interested in me. I’ve joined a few dating web sites and I put up a personal ad on the noticeboard at Uni but I’m feeling very old at the moment and I can’t see there being too many Uni girls interested in a 30 year old divorcee. Uni’s probably my best chance of meeting someone like me though since the dating sites are all full of girls who just want to go clubbing and drinking and shit that I don’t like.

    All I want out of life is to run a business and spend time with someone I love and raise beautiful children and teach them about computers and life and the world. I have so much love to give and giving it is the most important thing in the world to me. I’m saddened that I’ve wasted 8 years with Jo that I’m never going to get to live again and I think of it now as a terrible mistake but at least I’ve got one good thing which came out of it which is Suki who’s going to be the most beautiful girl in the world and who’s life I’m going to be a part of somehow no matter what, but I know that in other ways she’s going to be a constant reminder until the day I die of the love that I thought I had and lost.

    I’m very afraid that I’m never going to be happy again. I’m afraid that it might be years until I find love again and that by then it will be a different kind of love, and not the same as the way you feel when you are young and think you’ve been blessed by finding the most perfect person on the face of the planet. All my life I’ve never had any kind of enduring relationship with anyone, no friends that I could say I’d known since I was young that I’d shared my life with and it’s something I’ve always wanted. I want to be familiar with someone. I want to know them like my mum has known my dad - since forever and having shared all your experiences with them. And that chance is gone now. I’ll never have another childhood love and I’ll never have another magical wedding like my first.

    But I’m going to keep living anyway even if my life is filled with nothing but pain, because I would never take myself away from Suki. She’s always going to need me, even if I only see her for a few hours each week and I feel a bond with her stronger even than my love for Jo. I was always afraid before Suki was born that I wouldn’t feel the love that you’re supposed to feel. I always felt like I was deficient in that sort of feeling and that I wouldn’t know that sort of bond. But I do feel it. I feel it so much more strongly than I ever expected and it’s an amazing feeling. When I saw her last Wednesday and I held her in my arms I just held her and stared at her for about four hours solid without even getting tired and it was like nothing I’d ever felt before.

    When I look at her my heart is filled in a way that it’s never been filled before and I feel strong and that I could do anything. She gives me hope for the future and makes me feel like I’ve done an amazing thing by giving her life. While the prospect of not seeing her every day fills me with sorrow and makes me feel like I can’t bear to live, the moments I do have with her are so precious to me that I want to fill my life with as many of them as I can.

    Fuck Jo for leaving me and wasting my precious time but thank god something good came out of that time that I can treasure forever and that is going to bring me joy for the rest of my life. Suki, I love you so much and we’re going to have the greatest times together. We’re going to go to the park together and fly kites. We’re going to go to movies together and see awesome stories and anime. I’m going to take you to Timezone and we’re going to play something stupid and fun like Dance Dance Revolution. We’re going to go bowling and play golf and travel and do so many things together.

    I just wish the time until I next see you could pass faster. It’s only been three days but they have felt like the longest days in my entire life. When I see you next, I’m going to have some new books to read to you. I know you probably don’t care what I read right now but I’d still like to get you new stories so that by the time you are old enough to know the difference that I have a massive library of kids books, because you’re going to be an avid reader like me if I have anything to do with it. My training for you has started already ! :”)

  • 18Feb
    Categories: Suki Comments: 0

    Today is Suki’s Term day ! It’s an amazing milestone that she’s finally made it to Term ! Happy Term Day Suki !

    I had vowed to have a good day with Suki mid-week because it is likely that she will be going home before the end of the week to Joanna’s house in Beenleigh and I’m not welcome there yet so it was most probably the last time I was going to see Suki for a long time and I wanted it to be special.

    I arrived before 7am and she was starting to demand breakfast already so straight away I got to bottle feed her. She really is a hungry little baby and I can’t believe the size of her feeds ! She took over 90ml and she sucked every last drop out of the bottle and she would have drunk more if she’d been allowed. She burped so loud both times that I burped her that the nurses commented. She didn’t throw up anything at all but she’d dribbled a lot on her jumpsuit throughout the night. I put her down for a little bit but she was really restless and didn’t want to go to sleep.

    I asked the nurse if it was best to let them lay down after a meal or if it was ok to pick her up and cuddle her if she was restless. The nurse said it’s totally up to the parent but that it wasn’t good to get them reliant on cuddles to go to sleep unless you wanted to have to do it every single time ! I wanted to spoil her today so I decided to hold her and she smiled and made happy noises and fell asleep.

    I read many fairy tales to her but mostly I just held her and looked at her. I didn’t put her down once between 9am and 12 noon, just holding her close as she slept and stroking her hair whenever she woke up or got restless. She really loves having her hair stroked. It calms her down in seconds !

    At midday Jo arrived and I had to say goodbye. I kissed her on the forehead and told her how much I loved her and how much I was going to miss not seeing her for so long and then left the hospital for the final time, tears in my eyes at having to leave her.

    Suki, I don’t know how I’m going to handle not seeing you and I hope it isn’t too long before you’re well and Jo lets me visit you. I have your photos up on my monitor and I look at you every second of the day and I think about you all the time.

    With All My Love,
    your Dad, David.

  • 17Feb
    Categories: Suki Comments: 2

    EEK, third post in one day ! Get away from the WordPress Dad !

    I just had to update about her eye test. Suki got back from the Mater this afternoon and I rang to enquire how it went. The nurse explained to me the terminology first how the eye is divided into zones and Suki had previously shown signs of vascular disease in zone 2, but he said that the report said it had “resolved” ! So it’s better ! They still want to see her again in two weeks to make sure, but so far it looks great !

    The nurse also explained that Suki is not listed in the computer system at Joanna’s request which is why they said she did not exist and were so rude. Hopefully Jo is willing to change that status eventually, but it doesn’t matter because I can always ring straight through to the ICN who are happy to talk to me and love telling me about her.

    Anyway, three cheers for Suki’s eyes !